Dear Nurse Ansalong:
I have a very good friend who has had serious health problems. He had to undergo a massive heart operation when he was only 14. Now he is 19 and he is fine, but I recently found out that he is only expected to live to be 24 or 25. That is only 5 years away. I am terribly upset by this, but I don't know what to do. It doesn't seem to bother him, but I think about it constantly. Plus, he takes unnecessary risks, like drinking, and he almost died a while back because of it. What should I do?
-Sid

Sid, I wish that what happened to your friend never had to happen to anyone. It's never fair when someone as young as your friend is forced to face the possible end of his life. There are two ways that a person can take this kind of information. They could either except that they will be gone soon and try to live their lives in a way that will matter. The other way is to try to forget about it and go on. The problem with the second choice is that it usually is a difficult thing to erase that kind of idea from their minds. To forget, they'll use any means, like alcohol, and act in irresponsible ways without any worry of the results. I'm scared that your friend might be leaning towards the second answer. One of the main factors is the fact that he doesn't seem to care about what happens to him. This, when looked at with his excessive drinking, leans even further towards the second idea. He might think that, since he's going to be gone soon anyway, why not be enjoying himself when he goes. What he doesn't know is what his actions are doing to those close to him, like yourself. To be honest, there are not many options for you. It is his decision whether or not he wants to stop living the reckless life that he's living. You are going to have to sit down with him and try to reason with him. Try to find a way to show him how much he's changed and how much his actions have affected you. If there are more people who agree with you, try and get them to help you. The more voices that reach out to him gives you more chances to get him to see what is happening. If you have to, try and stop him from taking some of the risks that he does. But, while you try to help, remember that he might not agree with what you are telling him. A friend can not live the other friend's life. No matter what we are told or know, it is still up to each and every one of us to live our lives. Please don't let your life get tied up so much with his that you start to be pulled down along with him. It's natural for a good friend to worry about his friend, but don't let the worry take over your life too. I wish you all of the luck in the world and my hopes and prayers are with you.

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