Dear Nurse Ansalong:
Sex...Overrated or as good as they say? I have been going out with this guy for 2 months now. We are really close, but it seems like all he wants to do when we are together is make love. Personally, I like sex, but when you're talking about having it 4 times a day, it's too much. And he gets pissed when I can't perform. I'm not a piece of meat. How can I get him more interested in my mind than my body? Also, he never holds my hand, kisses, or hugs me in public. Even though we're both guys, the places we hang out don't give a rat's ass. I don't know how to get him to not be such a closet-case.
-Mr. Concerned

Mr. Concerned, everyone has their limits. That point where you just can't do what the other person wants you to do. It sounds like your boyfriend has a different set of limits than you. The first thing that I would advice you to do is tell him exactly how you feel. Tell him that you want to be more than just something to jump into bed with. I know just how demeaning it feels to try and interest someone's mind and just have them look at my body. Unless you talk to him and make sure that he hears what you are saying, there probably won't be any change in the situation. About his being such a "closet-case", there are a couple of things that you can do. One thing is to "sneak" what you want. When he's not looking, give him a quick kiss on the cheek, or, when you're walking down the street, try and slide your hand into his. Also, you can try to ease him out of his closet by getting friends that are gay or bisexual around him. When he sees how comfortable with their significant others they are, it might show him how to be the same. You will probably need to give him a little time to change his ways. Things like this take time. If he keeps treating you the way that he is, he might not be the right man for you. But, give him the chance. And, if he keeps trying to have sex with you when you don't want to, you can always use the tried and true method that many women, including myself, have used, "Sorry, not tonight. I have a headache."

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