Dear Nurse Ansalong:
Recently, a group of friends whom I never really liked much anyway ditched me. They were very popular, and when we started to hang out, I thought, well, they're kind of mean, but they seem nice to me. Then, I guess they decided I wasn't cool enough because they all ditched me at once over the summer and are now saying horrible things about me. It doesn't bother me, but this does: One of the group remained friends with me, even though he got a lot of slack from his old friends. I've been told he used to like me, and I thought that might be it. But he seemed genuinely concerned about me, and we used to talk a lot about how mean the other kids were, and he said he'd try to leave the group. He would say horrible things about them behind their backs, and I always wondered why he never did anything about it. Anyway, he never left the group after all, and seemed to be hanging out with them more, sort of flaunting it in front of me, especially when I was eating lunch by myself and he'd sit down across from me with them and make faces at me. And he started acting really mean to me!! He'd say later that he was just trying to "put me in my place" (I can be pretty bossy) but, still, it hurt, and I told him so, and he said he was sorry over and over but he kept doing it. Now he's totally ignoring me, and he won't say hi to me at school or anything. He's started acting just like the other kids. Again, I don't mind him ditching me, because he was awfully mean to me of late and good riddance, but I've told him a lot of secrets and I'm afraid he might use them against me! What should I do? Plus, I can't tell the other kids all the horrible things he said about them because they all hate me and would never believe me. I have done nothing - NOTHING to these people.
-Nellie
Nellie, when I read your question I had flashbacks to my own high school years. I don't know why this happens, but it seems like the (depending on where you live) 2-4 years of high school brings out the worst in a lot of people. First off, I would tell you to forget about him in a relationship sense. If he treats you like this just to be popular, then he's probably not worth your time in trying to win him over. Next, you could always try and stay away from him for awhile. Eat your lunch in a different part of the school if you need to. If you continue to show up at the same place everyday, then he'll know that you will be there and he'll get to feel "big" by making fun of you. The final thing might be tough to do, but you'll need to if it comes to this. If he tries to use one of your secrets against you, be sure that you're strong enough to fight back. He must have told you some things that there would be no way for him to defend against. Also, you don't have to convince all of his "popular friends" with his secrets. Most of a person's popularity comes from people either admiring and wanting to be just like the person or from fearing the person. If you can change the minds of the people that admire or fear him and show them that he's just like them, then he'll lose some of the popularity that he's already got. I wish that you didn't have to go through what you are now, but, if you keep your head and think, you will be alright.
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