Dear Nurse Ansalong:
R and I have been together for more than 2 years, and I love him. We plan on getting married after college. B and I used to date about 5 years ago. I fell for him HARD and he broke my heart. B and I lost track of each other for awhile because I moved and then went away to college, but recently we found each other again. Over my Xmas break, I went to visit family in the town where I used to live, and B and I got to spend some time together. Actually, we spent an entire night together. Most of it was just talking, but one thing led to another and we ended up kissing on the couch. R has no idea what happened, and I don't plan on telling him. It would break his heart. But I'll see B again over the summer when I visit my family again, and I'm afraid it will happen all over again. I want it to happen. But I still love R very much. I'm very confused.
-Little Mell

Little Mell, if you feel the way that you do about R, then you are going to have to try to build up your will power to say no to B. It's not going to be easy, but it's something that you need to do if you want to stay with R and have a clear conscience. If you can't be in the same room with B without having your old feelings come back, then either don't see him or only spend time with him in a group. This way, you'll be able to turn away if your emotions get worked up again. I'd also advice you to stop and think through why you still have such strong feelings for B. Your emotions might not have healed totally from the original break-up (You said that you fell for him "HARD"), and this could be some emotions that were left waiting for his return. Think about what is really important to you with your relationships. If you feel attracted to R enough to want to get married to him, then you need to think about why you'd want to give that up for something with R. Whatever you decide, if you're devoted to R as much as you say that you are, then you need to show the strength and will power it takes to say no to B. I'd hate to have two more broken hearts to have to mend...

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