Dear Nurse Ansalong:
My friend is about to get married soon. She and her fiance have had numerous problems, and often she just wants him out of her hair because he is totally dependant on her and takes her for granted. I don't think their relationship is anywhere near ready to take the step of getting married. My dilemma; I really want to tell her it is a bad idea and I can see how it will all turn out, but I don't know if it is my place. I watched two other friends get married when I knew it was a bad idea, and they have a pretty miserable relationship. What do you think? Should I tell her my opinions? Or keep my mouth shut and hope for the best?
-TDW

TDW, it might be very difficult, but I think that you should say something to her about the relationship. There are a couple things that you need to tell her at the beginning. Make sure that she understands that you're doing this to help her, not to hurt her. Next, be sure to explain clearly everything that you tell her. If she has trouble understanding what you're telling her, then she might not want to listen to you. Also, try to have this conversation in a private place where you won't be disturbed and that you'll have a lot of time to talk. When you talk to her, use the other people as references but don't base your entire arguement, for lack of a better word, on what happened to them. Use actual events from this person's relationship to demonstrate what you're talking about. Once you've started, try asking her questions as you talk. Try not to use "leading" questions like "How did that make you feel?" or similar ones. This could bring out a response that might not be totally true or that could anger her. Finally, be gentle with her. Don't tell her that, if she marries this guy, her life will be an absolute Hell. This could wind up driving her away from the good points that you're trying to make. Whatever you do, I hope that it all works out for everyone involved.

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