Dear Nurse Ansalong:
Okay, I have a very complicated situation. One of my really close friends, Madeline, is serioulsly thinking about suicide. It's really starting to scare us. One of us called her mother and told her, but her mother's a super-bitch and yelled at the girl who called and grounded Madeline for "playing a trick on her". We would call someone, only Madeline hasn't really done anything yet, just scratched her wrist with a knife. She keeps an exacto knife hidden in a sock in her sock drawer. She didn't even do it the right way, she did it horozontaly. She hasn't done it in a while. We made her promise to stop, but we think she might be doing it to her leg where we can't see it. The worst part is, it's because this guy, a real close friend of ours, doesn't like her, only she's, like, IN LOVE with him. It's really weird, because he likes another one of our friends who hates him, but loves the attention. So she flirts with him, and Madeline just sits there almost in tears. We've told him but he's an asshole. He's real nice, but he's a pervert. The kind of person who thinks it's funny that I like Rocky because I know a song called Sweet Transvestite. He borrowed my CD collection just so he could make a tape with four different versions of Toucha. And he is SOOOOO insensitive, he says Madeline will just get over it. Actually, I think he's kinda freaked out over the whole thing. I mean we're all only 14 years old!!!!! What should we do?
-Aurora
Aurora, the first thing that I would tell you to do is to remain calm. If your friend does do something bad, then she's going to need someone with a level head to help her back. At the age that you're at, a rejection from someone that we're attracted to can be devastating. These could be new emotions that your friend hasn't felt before and, because of this, she uses a physical means to make the hurting stop. First, you should try to get the razor that she has hidden. This could slow the self-inflicted abuse for awhile. It might be extremely difficult, but you should probably keep her away from this guy as much as possible. He could do or say anything to set her off, which could lead down a bad road. As you do this, try to see if there is someone that she can talk to about what's happening. Most schools have a counselor on staff whose job it is to talk to troubled teens. Many states also have confidentiality rules which could protect Madeline from having the person call up her Mother before she's ready for the information to be let out. If her condition does worsen, than you might need to bring in an outside adult to help. While her Mother might not be someone that will listen and/or be willing to help, you could try to talk to a member of your immediate family to help you with her. If you need more information, try checking around the web for sites about preventing suicide or call the local "Help Line" in your area. There are people there that can give you referrals to places that can help. If you've read my past message, you know that I've had experience in things like this. The hurt does ease over time, but there are still memories that are painful to remember. Make sure that Madeline knows that you care for her and that you always want to be her friend, no matter what anyone else says or does. I wish that a simple hug and kind word could make her feel better, but you might need to do a lot extra to help her. I wish you all the luck in the world that you succeed in helping her.
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