Dear Nurse Ansalong:
I sent the question about the guy that I was engaged to. Well, we finally split up completely and I realized it was for the best. We are friends now and doing well. But, I do have one problem. I may be pregnant with his kid. Great, I am finally getting on with my life, and now this. I know that he is not the man I want to spend the rest of my life with and I also am not thrilled about him being the father of my children, but it may be too late for that. If I am pregnant, I don't know what to do. I don't want him to raise my child, or to be my husband if I have a kid because I don't want to put the child through an inevitable divorce. But, I also don't want my child to be fatherless. I know there are a couple guys out there who care about me a lot, but they live quite far from me and I also don't feel right about the thought of bringing a child into their lives. I also don't know what to tell the guy I was with. I don't feel right about saying "Hey, I'm having your kid, but i don't want you raising it." I am lost and confused.
-Blue
Blue, I'm sorry it's taken me a little while to respond to you, but I had a talk with my nurse's aide, Ricky (who helped me immensely with this), and I also took some time to think about my advice. Telling him that he is a father would be the "right thing to do", at least from the point that he is partly at fault for what has happened. If you do tell him, then be careful with the way that he reacts. Some men can be very possesive about their offspring. If you don't tell him, then you should make sure that there is no way he could find out that it's his child. If he were to find out that you had been hiding "his" child from him, it could lead to a very messy custody battle. You should also think about what happens if the child wants to know who his/her father really is. There are a couple avenues that you could follow; 1) Depending on your religious/personal beliefs, you could not have the child. If it's still early in the pregnancy, then there may be a mixture of drugs that you could take to induce a miscarriage. If it's later, then you would have to get an abortion. Make sure that you get all of the facts about this from your doctor about this; 2) I would advice against marrying someone so that the child isn't fatherless. I would tell the men that are "fond" of you that you will be having a child. Some men really like kids and most single moms do date; 3) If you're worried about your child not having a "father figure", then try and enlist the aid of another family member to help you. This could help the child and also give him/her a person to look at as a father. If I were you at this time, I would tell him what is happening. This could avoid any larger problems down the road. If you do tell him, always remember that it is your decision what happens to the child that you will be carrying. If you do have the child, take care of the baby and give him/her all the love that you can. While you have this advice, I would tell you to talk to as many people as you can about this. Talk to your parents, other family members, friends, doctors, etc to find out everything that you can. This is a major decision that you are making, but it will be made for two.
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