Disclaimer: I don’t own the people or characters depicted here, with the exception of Patsy Brown, who we made up.

This story is absolutely not to be taken seriously. None of these events actually occurred at any time, and I cannot be held responsible for the authenticity of the description of the castle. I haven’t been there. This story is simply the production of a couple of very silly minds at work (if you call this work).

Please be constructive with criticism, Thanks.

Magenta rang the gong for dinner. Riff-Raff led them to the dinner table. Janet asked what they were having for dinner. ² Meatloaf,² answered Riff. Magenta brought out the meatloaf, and Eddie said, ² Hey, that¢ s not fair. You guys ate me last time!² Everyone laughed, and they began to eat. Riff-Raff said he had planned for them to play some Rocky oriented games.

Everyone sat down in the ballroom, and Riff explained his idea. ² We can play hide-n-seek, but we can play it in teams like from Rocky Horror. That means that Magenta and I should be on a team, and Columbia and Eddie, and Dr. Scott and the Criminologist. Janet and Frank can be on a team because Brad and Rocky aren¢ t here. Now we need to decide who is ² it² . Columbia counted ² one, two, three.² Then everyone screamed, ² NOT IT!² But, Janet had a doughnut in her mouth, so when she yelled, she spit crumbs all over everyone. Because everyone had said ² not it² at the same time, and Janet had covered everyone with crumbs, they decided that she and Frank would be it first.

While Frank and Janet counted to 100, Dr. Scott and the Crim. decided to hide separately. First, the Crim. helped Dr. Scott find a hiding place big enough for his wheelchair: the elevator. Then the Crim. hid behind one of the statues in the lab. He heard footsteps, but he saw no one. Then he saw the statue he was behind start to teeter back and forth. Before he could move it fell on him. He never heard Frank yell, ² Ready or not."

² Let¢ s split up,² suggested Janet. She headed upstairs. As she entered the lab, she noticed that one of the statues had fallen. Then she saw the blood pooling under it. She crept forward to take a closer look and saw the Crim., crushed to death.

Eddie and Columbia were under the couch in Columbia¢ s room, when they heard Janet¢ s scream. They ran up to the lab, where the others were already assembling. The first thing they saw was Janet, lying on the floor.

² Is she alright?,² they asked nervously. ² Yes, she just fainted,² replied Dr. Scott,² But the Crim. is not alright.² Everyone turned to the fallen statue and the crushed body under it.

Janet¢ s eyes fluttered open. She jumped up and started explaining what had happened. ² We realize that Janet,² said Columbia. ² What are we going to do?² asked Frank. Riff-Raff answered, ² Nothing, he¢ s already dead. Why don¢ t we all head down to the dining room to talk.² Everyone left the lab.

When they were all seated, Riff said, ² The statue was very old. It could have fallen on anyone.²

Magenta decided to try to take everyone¢ s mind off the tragedy. ² Remember when Janet jumped into the swimming pool and got a cold, and then everyone wore robes all week?²

Suddenly, Frank spoke up, ² Why are you trying to distract us? Maybe that statue didn¢ t fall by itself. Maybe someone pushed it.²

Riff had a suggestion. ² If you¢ re right, and there is a murderer in this house, we need to split up and look for him. We should use the same pairs as in hide-n-seek. Dr. Scott, because your wheelchair is difficult to maneuver, you can stay here, and we¢ ll check in with you.²

² But who will search where?² asked Janet.

² Columbia and Eddie will search the top floor, Janet and Frank will search the second floor, and Magenta and I will search this floor. If anyone has any problems, ring the dinner gong, and everyone else will come.² Everyone left.

As Columbia and Eddie searched, they had an idea. ² Maybe, he¢ s in the deep freeze.² They opened the freezer door and peered inside. Just then, they heard footsteps. ² It¢ s the murderer!² whispered Columbia. She and Eddie ran into the deep freeze and crouched down in the back.

² Do you still hear him?² asked Columbia. They heard a squeaking noise, and the giant freezer door closed. ² No, but I heard the door close,² replied Eddie.

*************************

Dr. Scott sat in the dining room by himself. Just then a huge bolt of lightning struck a nearby tree, and thunder rumbled. Dr. Scott began to get nervous. As the lightning and thunder grew more intense, Dr. Scott became more and more scared. Finally he decided to go find the others and fled toward the elevator.

In his panic, he neglected to check the elevator shaft before he went in. He fell 8 feet into the bottom of the elevator shaft. Miraculously, he survived. He was just picking himself up, when he heard the creaking of the elevator descending from the third floor. He stood, paralyzed with fear, as he was crushed by the elevator.

**************************

Riff-Raff was brushing the throne in the ballroom with a feather duster. ² What are you doing?² asked Magenta.

² Dusting for finger prints,² replied Riff, cracking up.

² Very funny, did you hear something a minute ago, behind the curtain?²

² Let¢ s go find out what it is.² They ducked behind the curtain and ran toward the pool. When they were standing on the sliding cover of the pool, they stopped.

² I think it stopped,² said Magenta.

Just then, to their horror, the cover of the pool started to slide open. They tried to run to safety, but it was too late. Both of them fell into the pool.

They swam to side and started coughing up water. ² We¢ d better keep looking,² said Riff. He climbed out of the pool and turned back to help Magenta, when suddenly, the cover began to close.

Riff-Raff pulled on Magenta¢ s arm, and to his surprise, it came off!

**Ha, ha! Just kidding. That one was irresistible. Here¢ s what really happened . . .**

Riff pulled Magenta out of the pool just as the cover closed. ² Someone tried to kill us,² said Magenta, ² We¢ d better ring the dinner gong.²

² Where is Dr. Scott?² asked Frank. ² Come to think of it, where are Columbia and Eddie?² said Janet.

² We don¢ t know, but someone tried to kill us,² said Riff. He told them about the close call at the swimming pool. ² We¢ d better go look for the others, ² said Magenta.²

² No one should be alone,² said Riff-Raff. ² Since Eddie and Columbia were looking on the third floor, Janet and Frank should search there."

Riff and Magenta followed Janet and Frank to the elevator. Janet and Frank got in and the elevator ascended to the third floor. Riff then happened to glance down the elevator shaft. He fainted and almost fell in the hole. Magenta pulled him to safety and looked down to see the body of Dr. Scott. She was too stunned to speak.

Frank and Janet crossed the lab. They both jumped with fright as they heard a banging on the door of the deep freeze.

"Maybe the murderer’s in there!" Janet said excitedly.

"But it could also be Columbia and Eddie," suggested Frank.

"I don’t think we should open it," said Janet.

"Well, I’m opening it, no matter who’s in there."

"Wait a sec," said Janet. She ran behind the creation tank, "Okay, go ahead."

Frank cautiously opened the freezer. Columbia and Eddie bolted out, knocking Frank aside onto a pile of ice. Janet shrieked.

"We thought we’d never get out of there," said Columbia.

"Oh, Columbia I had no idea you were-" Janet started, but Frank cut in. "A little help here? It’s slippery."

Eddie helped Frank up, then said, "Let’s go downstairs and ring the dinner gong!"

When the elevator got to the first floor, they found Magenta trying to revive Riff.

Janet immediately inquired, "What’s wrong? Is he dead? Did you kill him? Did the murderer kill him? Is the murderer nearby?"

"SHUT UP!" yelled everyone else in the elevator.

Frank started again, "What happened Magenta?"

Magenta explain about finding Dr. Scott’s body in the elevator shaft and Riff fainting. "I think he fell into the shaft, and the murderer brought the elevator down on him," she finished.

"What about Riff? Is he dead? Is he hurt? Do we need an ambulance? What are we going to do?"

Janet stopped abruptly when a giant bolt of lightning split the sky, and the lights flickered and died. For a second, everything was silent. Then, Columbia emitted a single shrill blood-curdling scream and flung her arms out, knocking Eddie out of the elevator and onto the still-unconscious Riff-Raff. Magenta, thinking Eddie was the murderer, immediately attacked. Eddie, thinking the same thing about Magenta, fought back. They chased each other out of the room.

Columbia, Frank, and Janet stood in the dark trying to calm down. Suddenly, a voice spoke in the darkness.

"Murder…Dr. Scott…Eddie…Magen-"

Janet shrieked, "It’s the murderer!" All three jumped in the direction of the voice. All three of them landed in the same place on top of something that weakly said "Ow."

"Riff?" Columbia said questioningly.

"What happened, and why is everyone sitting on me?"

Columbia tried to explain: "Magenta said you fainted when you saw Dr. Scott’s body in the elevator shaft. Frank and Janet found Eddie and me in the freezer, and we came downstairs. The power went out, and we heard some people fighting. Then you came to and started talking, so we thought you were the murderer. But now Magenta and Eddie are gone!"

"I knew Magenta was the murderer," said Frank, "She’s probably killing Eddie!"

"What if Eddie’s the murderer?" suggested Riff, "We need to save Magenta!"

Frank, Columbia, and Janet dashed down the hall that Magenta and Eddie had taken. They were aware that Riff wasn’t with them, but they just thought that he was a little dizzy and would soon catch up. Then they heard a long, drawn-out yell:

They stopped to listen. The yell seemed to get further and further below them and then faded away completely.

"That’s Eddie!" Frank shouted, "Magenta’s killing him!"

"But that voice sounded far below us," said Columbia, "How do we get there?"

She was interrupted by two people running towards them down the hall.

"Magenta?" questioned Frank.

"And Eddie," said Magenta, "During the blackout, Eddie fell onto Riff, and I thought he was the murderer."

"And I thought she was the murderer," added Eddie.

"It’s great that you’re alright," said Janet, "But we just heard a yell below us."

"Where’s Riff?" inquired Magenta.

"He came to, and he was running behind us," said Frank, "But then we lost track of him."

Eddie had an idea. "Let’s go back to the elevator and retrace our steps down the hall."

The group followed his idea. They went down the hall running the hands along the wall, because of the darkness. Suddenly, Janet shrieked. "There’s a hole in the wall!"

Frank came over. "It looks like a laundry chute."

"You don’t think…" Magenta began.

Eddie took charge. "Magenta, you know more about this castle than we do. Where does the laundry chute lead to?"

Magenta opened a small door next to the chute. The group followed her down many flights of stairs. As they walked, Magenta explained.

"The castle has multiple cellars, and the laundry room is in the very lowest one. So the maids didn’t have to walk down there very often, the chute leads directly into a huge washer. When enough laundry is collected, the washer starts automatically. The clothes are then transferred to a big dryer, and after that, they are folded by giant mechanical arms. Once the laundry is folded, it is put on a conveyor belt and sent back upstairs. The machines judge by weight; they cannot differentiate between laundry and anything else that happens to fall down the chute."

For a split second, there was silence, then everyone broke into a run.

Finally, they reached the bottom of the steps and entered a huge room. There were the washer and dryer just as Magenta had described. Everyone turned their heads to a large table covered with folded laundry. There was Riff, lying on his back with his arms crossed over his chest and his knees folded up to his chin.

"Come on Riff; let’s get out of here!" Frank yelled.

"I can’t," answered Riff, "Every time I try to get up, it refolds me." Frank laughed out loud, then he walked across the room to the folding table. He picked up Riff and set him on the conveyor belt.

"Let’s ride this up to the top," he suggested. Everyone got on the conveyor belt.

When they had reached the first floor, gotten off the conveyor belt, and unfolded Riff-Raff, Eddie had a suggestion:

"I’m starving; let’s go get something to eat!" Everyone agreed.

In the kitchen, they sat at the table eating tofu ice cream by candle light (some vegan had stocked the freezer). Riff was very tired, so he lay slumped on the table. Magenta sat next to him, and Eddie was on the other side of her.

Suddenly, unperceived by almost everyone, a knife rose out of the rack and flew toward Magenta. "Watchout," Riff muttered carelessly. Magenta saw the knife and ducked, but Eddie was so busy eating, that he didn’t see it in time. The knife sunk into his neck. Columbia screamed, then everything was silent.

Hoarsely, Eddie said, "Darn, and I have a concert next week, too." Then he collapsed on the floor.

"It was a poltergeist!" shouted Columbia.

"Or a ghost!" Janet added hastily. Riff lifted his head, looking interested.

" There are ghost stories about this place, you know. I remember one about this young woman named Patsy Brown. She auditioned for the role of Magenta, and she was our top choice until Patricia Quinn came and auditioned late. Patsy was so upset at not getting the part, that for years after the movie was made, she went around telling people how awful it was. I heard that she died at this castle. I bet there would be more information in the attic. There’s a lot of old Rocky Horror newspaper clippings up there."

They all went up to the attic. Columbia was leading the way. She stepped on one end of a long board which started to sink. Quickly, she ran across to the other end of the board. When that end started to sink she screamed. Frank, Riff, Magenta, and Janet ran to help her and stepped on the opposite end of the board. Columbia’s end shot into the air, causing Columbia to fly across the attic into a large box full of stuffed animals.

Everyone ran over to the box, where they found Columbia cuddling a brown stuffed rabbit.

"Can I keep it?" she asked hopefully.

"Sure…I guess so," answered Riff.

"Hey you guys," yelled Frank, "Look at this. It’s a clipping from an old newspaper. It’s about Patsy Brown. It says that she was visiting Oakley Court castle, when a group of indignant Rocky Horror fans chased her across the top of the castle. Brown thought the fans were going to kill her, so she jumped off the castle. They carelessly buried her at the edge of the castle."

Columbia had an idea, "Since Patsy wanted to be Magenta, maybe that’s why some of the attacks have been directed towards Patricia!"

Suddenly, Janet shrieked. They all looked in the direction her shaking finger was pointing.

A ghostly white figure floated at the other end of the attic. Seeing them, it turned and fled through a door at the ceiling of the attic.

"After it!" exclaimed Magenta.

Everyone ran up some stairs, out the door, and onto the roof. The thunderstorm had gotten stronger, and there was high wind. Janet was almost knocked off her feet. She grabbed the flag pole to keep from falling off.

"No! " yelled Frank, "Let go!"

But it was too late. A bolt of lightning struck the flag pole. Janet shrieked one last time and fell at Frank’s feet.

Columbia screamed and held the rabbit in front of her face, trying to block out the horrible sight. She and Frank edged around Janet’s lifeless body and ran after Riff and Magenta.

They caught up to Riff and Magenta at one corner of the castle. The ghostly figure hovered in space, staring at them.

"What do you want?" Riff shouted above the roar of the thunder.

The ghost, paying no attention to Riff, turned to Magenta and said in a voice that was barely more than a whisper:

"You…You got to be Magenta. Now the world will know you as Magenta, and not me…" The figure turned to Riff, "I came to your party even though you didn’t invite me."

Then Frank stepped forward. "I know a way that you can still be known as Magenta." The figure was listening intently. "You never had a tombstone. Suppose we bought and engraved it with one word: Magenta."

The figure thought for a moment. "That would be sufficient," it said, then it disappeared. But they heard its voice: "But if you do not do as you said I will kill you all."

The four remaining cast members carried out the plan, just as they had promised. They had a proper funeral for Patsy, Dr. Scott, the Crim., Janet, and Eddie and put flowers on the graves.

Later that day, they all sat in the kitchen of the castle.

"It’s really sad, about the Crim. and Dr. Scott and Janet and Eddie," said Columbia, still clutching the bunny-rabbit.

Frank turned to Magenta, "I’m sorry I thought you were the murderer."

"That’s okay," said Magenta, "It could have been any one of us."

"Janet died by accident, and Eddie died when the ghost was trying to kill Magenta. But why would the ghost kill Dr. Scott and the Crim.?" asked Columbia.

Frank explained: "Probably just to get them out of the way to have a clean shot at Magenta."

"Speaking of clean," said Riff, "I’ll always remember this party. I’ve never been cleaner." Everyone laughed.

"What I don’t understand," Riff continued, " is why they didn’t close the entrance to the laundry chute."