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De Rocky Ho'ro' Picture Show
=============================
[ Props, dig dis: (in some radical o'der)
Rice
Bouquet (opt)
Rin's (opt)
Newssheet (pref. Peace. Plain Dealer)
Wata' (squirt gun, o' whutever)
Matches (failin' which, anoda' source uh light)
Doughnuts (opt)
Rubba' Gloves (opt)
Noisemaker
Confetti (to'n newssheets gots'ta suffice)
Toilet Papuh' (pref. Peace. Scott)
Toast
Party Hat
Bell
Frankfurters (opt)
Sponges (opt)
Cards
Papuh' Airplanes
General Info'mashun:
Audience instrucshuns are in square brackets. Text in quotes is
to be shouted. De instrucshun 'Echo' indicates dat da damn followin' line
is
to be shouted in unison wid de film. 'S coo', bruh.
Wheneva' Brad appears, o', especially, introduces himself, de
line "Asshole!" be appropriate. What it is, Mama! Wid mo'e discreshun, de
line "Slut!" is
appropriate t'Janet. Wheneva' de Narrato' (Charles Gray) appears, de
followin' lines and variants are appropriate, dig dis: "He's gots no
neck!";
"Bo-rin'!"; "Charles Gray, he's O.K.!". Dr. Ah be baaad... Scott may be
booed.
Note, dig dis: all audience lines are snatchn fum de New Yo'k
ones --
8d Street Playhouse and Eastside Cinema -- wid de 'sepshun uh a real
few uh dem. 'S coo', bruh. --Tina M.]
SCIENCE FICTION/DOUBLE FEATURE
[at openin' bars uh beat, "A long time ago in some galaxy far, far
away,
God said, 'Let dere be Lips', and dey wuz. And dey wuz baaaad."]
Usherette(lips): Michael Rennie wuz ill
De Day de Eard Stood still
But he told us where we stand. ["On our feet!"]
And Flash Go'don wuz dere
In silva' [echo, dig dis: "purple"] underwear, ["Pervert!"]
Claude Rains wuz de Invisible Man. 'S coo', bruh.
["Outta sight!"]
Den sump'n went wrong
Fo' Fay Wray and Kin' Kong;
Dey gots caught in some celluloid jam. 'S coo', bruh. ["Yay
jam!"]
Den at some wastedly pace
It Came From. 'S coo', bruh... ["where?"] Outa' Space. What it
is, Mama! ["Dank ya'!"]
And dis be how de message ran, dig dis:
["Freeze!"]
Cho'us, dig dis: Science ficshun, double feature
Docto' X gots'ta build some creature. What it is, Mama!
See androids fightin' ["And fuckin' and suckin' on"]
Brad and Janet
Anne Francis stars in ["Deep Droat and"] Fo'bidden Planet
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
At da damn late night, double feature, picture show.
[at Charles Gray's dojigger: "Dat dude has no fuckin' neck!"]
[credits, dig dis: ad-libs uh "Asshole" and "Slut" at Brad and Janet's
dojiggers; at
Peta' Suschitsky's, dig dis: "What da damn fuck's some Suschitsky?"
--"Polish diarrhea!";
at Bo-Jangles Sharman, dig dis: "Don't squeeze da damn Charmin!"; at Sue
Blane, dig dis: "Sue's to
Blane" o' "Don't Blane Sue!"; point at 'Richard Pointin''...etc.]
Usherette(lips): ah' knowed Leo G. Carrol
Was ova' [echo, dig dis: "fuckin'"] some barrel
When Tarantula took t'de hills. ["Lick it!"]
And ah' really gots hot
When ah' saw Jeanette Scott [echo, dig dis: "Janet's twat"]
Fight some triffid dat spits poison and kills.
["What da damn fuck be a triffid?"]
Dana Andrews said Prunes
Gave him de runes [Echo, dig dis: "...shits"]
And passin' dem used lots uh skills. ["Yay skills!"]
But When Wo'lds Collide, [clap hands, "Boom!"]
Said Geo'ge Posheeit t'his bride,
"I'm gonna give ya' some terrible [echo "sexual"] drills,"
Like a. Sheeeiit...
[("X-ray!")]
Cho'us, dig dis: Science ficshun, double feature
Docto' X gots'ta build some creature. What it is, Mama!
See androids fightin' ["And fuckin' and suckin' on. 'S coo',
bruh..."]
Brad and Janet
Anne Francis stars in ["Deep Droat and"] Fo'bidden Planet
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
At da damn late night, double feature, picture show.
ah' wanna go
Oh Oh Oh
To de late night double feature picture show,
By RKO, ["R-K-Who?"]
Oh Oh Oh
To de late night double feature picture show,
["Where's de best place t'fuck?"]
In de back row, ["Fuck de Back Row!" Back row, dig dis: "Fuck
de
front row!" Front row, dig dis: "We fucked ya' fust!"]
Oh Oh Oh
To de late night, double feature, picture show!
Dentonian, dig dis: Here dey come! (Dentonians chea' and drow rice) [drow
RICE]
Photographer, dig dis: Let's git some picture. What it is, Mama! Close
togeda' now. De parents and
den de grandparents. Just uh de close family. Slap mah fro! Ahhh, hold
dat.
Beautiful. And... (snap)
Ralph, dig dis: ah' guess we really dun did it, huh. ["Hit him! Hit
him back!"]
Brad, dig dis: ah' duzn't dink dere's any doubt about dat. You's and
Betty gots'
been mos' inseparable since ya' met in Dr. Ah be baaad... Scott's refresha'
courses.
Ralph, dig dis: Sheeit t'tell ya' de trud, Brad, dat's de only reason
I
showed down in de fust place. What it is, Mama! (chuckles)
Betty, dig dis: O.K. ya' guys, dis be it. (everyone screams)
Ralph, dig dis: Sheeit Betty's goin' t'drow de bouquet. [drow
BOUQUET]
Janet, dig dis: ["Hey, Janet, do ya' gots' syph?"] ah' gots it! ah'
gots it!
Ralph, dig dis: Hey big-ass fella,["How would ya' know?"] peeps likes
it could be
yo' turn next, eh?
Brad, dig dis: Who knows. ["De Shadow knows!"]
Ralph, dig dis: Sheeit, so's long, see ya' Brad. ["See ya, sucker!"]
Guess we
betta' get goin' now Betty. Slap mah fro! Come on, hop in. 'S coo', bruh.
(dey roll away)
["Dink about it Asshole. What it is, Mama!..dis fin'a' smells likes
Janet."]
[read sign, dig dis: "Be plum and fear not. Be stoned and feel not!"]
[When couple be seen runnin' afta' de car, dig dis: "Aw, shit, missed da
damn bus
again!"]
Janet, dig dis: Oh Brad, wuzn't it wonderful? ["No"] Didn't Betty
peep
radiantly beautiful? ["No"] ah' can't recon' it. An hour ago she wuz
just
plain old Betty Monroe, and now...["Now she's some slut"] now she's Mrs.
Ralph
Hapshatt. (sigh) ["Hapshit, gots'ta travel!"]
Brad, dig dis: Yes Janet, Ralph be a lucky guy. Slap mah fro! ["No
he's not, she's gots
syph."]
Janet, dig dis: Yes.
Dentonian, dig dis: ah' always cry at weddin's. ["I always laugh at
funerals!"]
Brad, dig dis: Everyone knows dat Betty be a wonderful little cook.
["She's
de hottest baked potato in Denton. 'S coo', bruh...yay Denton! De
plantation uh happiness.
What's some sign doin' in some graveyard? Advertisin'! Hey, dat sign
gots'ta a
heart-on!"]
Janet, dig dis: Yes.
Brad, dig dis: Why Ralph himself, he'll be down fo' some promoshun in
some year o'
two.
["If he duzn't git busted fust!"]
Janet, dig dis: Yes.
DAMMIT JANET
Brad, dig dis: Hey Janet. ["Sit on mah' face and wiggle!"]
Janet, dig dis: Yes Brad?
Brad, dig dis: I've gots sump'n t'say. Slap mah fro!
Janet, dig dis: Uh huh.
["Say it, Asshole!"]
Brad, dig dis: ah' really love de. What it is, Mama!.. ["Starts wid
an S...sku. Man!..sku. Man!.."]
skillful way ["What some fuckin' genius!"]... ya' whup' de oda' goats...
["Wid whips and chains"] t'de bride's bouquet. ["And dat too."]
Janet, dig dis: Oh Brad.
[audience echoes 'Janet's, 'Oh Brad's, 'Dammit, Janet's, and
'Brad I'm Mad']
Brad, dig dis: De riva' wuz deep but ah' swam it. (Janet)
De future be ours so's let's plan it. (Janet)
So please, duzn't tell me t'can it. (Janet)
I've one wahtahmellun t'say and dat's Dammit, Janet ah' love
ya'.
De road wuz long but ah' ran it. ["Backwards!"]
Dere's some fire in mah' heart and ya' fan it. (Janet)
If dere's one honkyfool fo' ya' den ah' am it. (Janet)
I've one wahtahmellun t'say and dat's Dammit, Janet ah' love
ya'.
Here's some rin' t'prove dat I'm no joker. Ah be baaad...
Dere's dree ways dat love kin woo. ["Sex, drugs and rock and
roll"]
Dat's baaaad, bad, o' mediocre. What it is, Mama! ["gay,
straight, and mediocre"]
["How do ya' spell slut?"]
Oh, J-A-N-E-T ah' love ya' so. [Echo, dig dis: "I wants' some
blow"]
["Don't drop it!"]
["Can we gots' some brother flowers please?"]
Janet, dig dis: Oh, it's supa' finer dan Betty Monroe had. (Oh Brad)
Now we're engaged and I'm so's glad (Oh Brad)
Dat ya' met Mom and ya' know Dad. (Oh Brad)
[Echo above line, dig dis: "...ya' fuck Mom and ya' blow Dad"]
I've one wahtahmellun t'say and dat's Brad, I'm mad, fo' ya'
too.
Oh Brad...
Brad, dig dis: Oh... dammit. [Echo, dig dis: "Oh...shit."]
Janet, dig dis: I'm mad...
Brad, dig dis: Oh, Janet. [Echo, dig dis: "Oh...shit."]
Janet, dig dis: Fo' ya'.
Brad, dig dis: ah' love ya' too. [Echo, dig dis: "I wanna screw"]
Brad & Janet, dig dis: Dere's one wahtahmellun left t'do - ah - oo. ["Bury
some midget!"]
Brad, dig dis: And dat's go see da damn man who began it. (Janet)
["He's in de box!"]
When we met in his science 'esam - it (Janet)
["He's STILL in de box!"]
Made me give ya' de eye and den panic. (Janet)
[Echo above line as, dig dis: "...piss in mah' pants and den
panic"]
Now I've one wahtahmellun t'say and dat's Dammit, Janet, ah'
love ya'.
Dammit, Janet.
Janet, dig dis: Oh Brad, I'm mad.
Brad, dig dis: Dammit, Janet.
Brad & Janet, dig dis: ah' love ya'.
["De dude ya' are about t'see gots'ta no fuckin' neck. Where's yo' fuckin'
neck?" "It's in his oda' fuckin' suit."]
Narrato': ah' would likes ["You's would, would ya'?"], ah, if ah' may,
["You's may
not!"]...to snatch ya' ["Where?"] on some funky journey. Slap mah fro!
["How funky wuz
it?" As Chucky pulls out scribblin': "It wuz so's funky dey made some
movie out of
it; not da damn scribblin', de movie. What it is, Mama!"] It seemed some
fairly o'dinary night
["o'dinary?"] when Brad Majo's ["Asshole!"] and his fiancee Janet Weiss
["slut!"], two yung, no'mal, healdy kids ["No'mal?"], left Denton dat
late Novemba' evenin', t'visit some Dr. Ah be baaad... Everett Scott
["Snot" (boos &
hisses)], 'es-tuto', and now homey t'bod uh dem. 'S coo', bruh. ["Is it
true dat
youse constipated?"] It's true dere wuz dark sto'm clouds... ["Describe
yo' balls!"] heavy, brother , and pendulous, towards which dey wuz drivin'.
["Is it true also dat yo' moder's some dyke?"] It's true, also, dat de
spare tire dey wuz carryin' wuz badly in need uh some air ["So's yo'
fuckin' neck!"], but, uh, dey bein' no'mal kids, ["No'mal?"] on some night
out... sheeit, dey wuzn't goin' t'let some sto'm spoil de rest uh deir
evenin', wuz dey? ["Certainly not"] ...On some night out... ["Come some
little
bit closer, Chuckie. What it is, Mama!.."] it wuz some night out dey wuz
goin' t'remember. Ah be baaad.....
["How long?"] fo' some very long time. What it is, Mama! ["What some
fuckin' drip."]
["Hey Dick, gots' ya' eva' been some quitter?"]
Nixon, dig dis: ah' gots' neva' been some quitter. Ah be
baaad.....["bullshit!"] To leave office
befo'e mah' term be completed be abho'rent t'every instinct in mah' body.
Slap mah fro!
["You's call dat some body?"] But as President ["You's call dat some
President?"]
I must put da damn interests uh America fust. ["What duz America need,
Dick?"] America needs some full time super-dude...["What else?"] and some
full
time Congress...
Janet, dig dis: Gosh, dat's de dird moto'cycle dat's passed us. Dey
sure
do snatch deir lives in deir hands, whut wid de weada' and all.
Brad, dig dis: ["Say sump'n stupid, Asshole!"] Yes, life's pretty
cheap to
dat type. What it is, Mama! ["So's Janet"]
Janet, dig dis: Oh. ...What's de matter, Brad darlin'?
Brad, dig dis: ["Make some sound likes some cow!"] Mmm. 'S coo',
bruh. We must gots' snatchn de wrong
fo'k some few miles back. ["Asshole!"]
Janet, dig dis: Oh, but where dun did dat moto'cyclist mosey on down
from? ["Japan"; o'
hum some few bars uh de Twilight Zone deme]
Brad, dig dis: Hmmm. 'S coo', bruh... sheeit ah' guess we'll plum
gots'ta turn back.
["Look out!"] (BOOM)
Janet, dig dis: Oh! What wuz dat bang? ["A gang-bang!"]
Brad, dig dis: We must gots' some blowout. DAMMIT! ah' knowed ah'
should gots' gotsten
dat spare tire fixed. ["Asshole!"] Sheeit, ya' plum stay here and keep
warm
and I'll go fo' help.
Janet, dig dis: But where gots'ta ya' go? We're in de middle uh
nowhere. What it is, Mama!..
Brad, dig dis: ["What's honky and sells hamburgers and tastes likes
shit?"]
Didn't we pass some castle back waaay down de road some few miles? [general
cheers]
Maybe dey gots' some telephone we could use. What it is, Mama! ["Castles
duzn't gots' phones,
Asshole!"]
Janet, dig dis: I'm goin' wid ya'.
Brad, dig dis: Oh, no, darlin', dere's no sense in bod uh us gittin'
wet.
["Janet's already wet!"]
Janet, dig dis: I'm comin' wid ya'! ["Dat'll be some fust!"] Besides
darlin',
de owna' of dat phone might be some beautiful mama, ["He is!"] and ya'
might neva' come back again. 'S coo', bruh. ["You's should be so's lucky.
Slap mah fro!"]
Brad, dig dis: Heh, heh, heh, heh.
[dey git out uh de wheels "Kick it!". NEWSPAPERS ova' 'haids,
squirt WATER]
["Buy an umbrella, ya' cheap bitch!"]
OVER AT THE FRANKENSTEIN PLACE
[When sign sayin' 'Enta' at yo' own risk' be shown, dig dis: "Can we gots'
a
close-up on dat sign please? --dank ya'. ah' still kin't eyeball it -- kin
ya' light it down fo' me?" And when lightnin' flashes on sign, "Dank
ya'."]
["Watch out fo' de slut-eatin' tree!" -- right befo'e Janet ducks some tree
branch. Or, alternatively, "Turn around, bitch, ah' can't eyeball de
spo'ts
page!"]
Janet, dig dis: ["Sin', bitch!"]
In de velvet darkness,
Of de brother est night,
Burnin' bright, ["What's down yo' ass?"] dere's some guidin'
star. Ah be baaad...
["Dat must hurt."]
No matta' whut o' who ya' are. What it is, Mama!
Brad & Janet, dig dis: Dere's some light... [light MATCHES on 'light']
Cho'us, dig dis: Ova' at da damn Frankenstein place. What it is, Mama!
Brad & Janet, dig dis: Dere's some light...
["Where do ya' keep yo' grandmoder?"]
Cho'us, dig dis: Burnin' in de fireplace. What it is, Mama!..
[MATCHES out on 'darkness' - "Darkness!" if any lights still
on]
Brad & Janet, dig dis: Dere's some light, light in de darkness uh
everybody's life. What it is, Mama!
["Sin' t'us, O froless one!"]
Riff Raff, dig dis: De darkness must go waaay down de riva' of night's
dreamin'.
Flow mo'phia slow, let da damn sun and light mosey on down
streamin'
Into mah' life. What it is, Mama! Into mah' life. What it is,
Mama!.. ["It's de Incredible
Shrinkin' Riff Raff!" "Watch dat quicksand, Riff. Peace..."]
Brad & Janet, dig dis: Dere's some light... [MATCHES again]
Cho'us, dig dis: Ova' at da damn Frankenstein place. What it is, Mama!
Brad & Janet, dig dis: Dere's some light...
["Where's Santa Claus?"]
Cho'us, dig dis: Burnin' in de fireplace. What it is, Mama!
Dere's some light, some light
Brad & Janet, dig dis: [off at 'Darkness'] ...in de darkness uh everybody's
life. What it is, Mama!
(in de stage version right afta' de fust cho'us Brad gots'ta
dis 'estra verse, dig dis:
Brad, dig dis: ah' can see da damn flag fly
ah' can see da damn rain
Just da damn same, dere gots'ta gots'ta be
Somedin' betta' here fo' ya' and me. What it is, Mama!
(repeat cho'us))
["And Betsy Ross used t'sit plantation and sew and sew and..."]
Narrato': And so, it seemed dat fo'tune had smiled on Brad and Janet and
dat dey had found da damn assistance dat deir plight required. ["Are ya'
sure?"] ...Or had dey? ["Nyah-ha-ha"]
Janet, dig dis: Brad, let's go back, I'm cold and frightened...
Brad, dig dis: Just some moment Janet, dey might gots' some phone.
What it is, Mama!
["It's Scooby-Doo in bondage!"]
(doo'bell rin's, doo' creaks open) ["Din'-dong, asshole
callin'"]
Riff Raff, dig dis: ["How do ya' say 'jell-o' in Spanish?"]
Hello.
Brad, dig dis: Hi! My dojigger be Brad Majo's, and dis be my fiancee,
Janet
Weiss. ah' wonda' if ya' could help us. You's see, our wheels broke waaay
down some few
miles down de road... do ya' gots' some phone we might use?
["Look between Janet's legs!"]
Riff Raff, dig dis: Youse wet.
Janet, dig dis: ["Hey Janet. you is some slut?"]
Yes - ["What's de weader?"] it's rainin'. ["No shit"]
Bard, dig dis: ["Are ya' an asshole, Brad?"]
Yes.
Riff Raff, dig dis: ["Are ya' on drugs, Riff?"] Yes... ah' dink puh'haps
ya' better
bod ["get lost"] mosey on down inside. What it is, Mama! ["I duzn't care
where ya' come, as long as
ya' clean it up" "I duzn't care if ya' clean it up, as long as ya' come"]
Janet, dig dis: Youse too kind. Oh Brad, I'm frightened. What kind'a
a
place be dis?
Brad, dig dis: Oh, it's probably some kind'a huntin' lodge fo' rich
weirdos.
["Yay, rich weirdos!"]
Janet, dig dis: Oh (fo'lo'nly)
["Hey Riff, show us how ya' fin'a' yo' sister"]
Riff Raff, dig dis: ["Which way?"] Dis way. Slap mah fro! ["Follow de
bouncin' dumb"]
Janet, dig dis: Are ya' havin' some party? ["No, it's mah' sister's
bas mitzvah" o'
"Do ya' see any fuckin' Tuppuh'ware?" -- depends on where ya' are]
Riff Raff, dig dis: You's've arrived on some very special night. It's one
uh de
master's affairs. ["Which one?"]
Janet, dig dis: Oh lucky him. 'S coo', bruh.
Magenta, dig dis: Youse lucky, He's lucky, I'm lucky, we're all lucky!
["De
banister's lucky!" instead uh "we're all lucky"] ha ha ha ha ha
["Hey Riff, show us yo' Mummy!"]
THE TIME WARP
Riff Raff, dig dis: It's astoundin';
Time be fleetin';
Madness ["sucks"] snatch'd its toll.
But listen closely. Slap mah fro!..
Magenta, dig dis: ["How long?"] Not fo' real much longer. Ah be baaad...
Riff Raff, dig dis: ["How many balls do ya' gots'?"]
I've gots'ta ["I've gots dree"] keep control.
ah' rememba' doin' de time-warp ["Kick, kick"]
Drinkin' dose moments
when
De brother ness would hit me
Riff & Magenta, dig dis: And some void would be callin'...
Transylvanians, dig dis: Let's do de time-warp again. 'S coo', bruh.
Let's do de time-warp again. 'S coo', bruh.
["how's it done?"]
[Here are da damn instrucshuns, dig dis: DO IT!]
Narrato': It's plum a jump t'de left.
All, dig dis: And den some step t'de right.
Narrato': Wid yo' hands on yo' hips. [Echo "tits -- o' somebody
else's"]
All, dig dis: You's brin' yo' knees in tight.
But it's de pelvic drust ["ooh-ah-ooh-ah" o' "group sex,
group sex..."]
Dat really rolls ya' insane. What it is, Mama!
Let's do de time-warp again. 'S coo', bruh.
Let's do de time-warp again. 'S coo', bruh.
Magenta, dig dis: It's so's dreamy, oh fantasy free me. What it is,
Mama!
So ya' kin't see me, ["Do ya' douche?"] no, not at all.
["Smells it."]
In anoda' dimension, wid voyeuristic intenshun,
["Where is yo' tits?"]
Sheeit secluded, ah' see all.
Riff Raff, dig dis: Wid some bit uh a mind flip
Magenta, dig dis: Youse into de time slip. ["Fuck dat bird!"]
Riff Raff, dig dis: And nodin' kin eva' be da damn same. What it is, Mama!
Magenta, dig dis: Youse spaced out on sensashun.
Riff Raff, dig dis: Like youse unda' sedashun.
All, dig dis: Let's do de time-warp again. 'S coo', bruh.
Let's do de time-warp again. 'S coo', bruh.
Columbia, dig dis: Sheeit ah' wuz walkin' waaay down de street plum
havin' some dink
When dis snake uh a guy gave me an evil wink.
He shook me up, he took me by surprise
He had some pickup truck, and da damn devil's eyes.
He stared at me and ah' felt some change. What it is, Mama!
Time meant nodin', neva' would again. 'S coo', bruh.
All, dig dis: Let's do de time-warp again. 'S coo', bruh.
Let's do de time-warp again. 'S coo', bruh.
Narrato': It's plum a jump t'de left.
All, dig dis: And den some step t'de right.
Narrato': Wid yo' hands on yo' hips.
All, dig dis: You's brin' yo' knees in tight.
But it's de pelvic drust
Dat really rolls ya' insane. What it is, Mama!
Let's do de time-warp again. 'S coo', bruh.
Let's do de time-warp again. 'S coo', bruh.
(Columbia tap-dances [plum befo'e she hits de stairs "Watch
out!"]) ["2, 4, 6, 8, show us how ya' masturbate! 3, 5, 7, 9, if she kin
do it, so's can I! Eat yo' heart out, Ann Miller; feed da bud yo'self out,
Ann
Miller; feed da bud ME out, Ann Miller! Who de fuck be Ann Miller?"]
All, dig dis: Let's do de time-warp again. 'S coo', bruh.
Let's do de time-warp again. 'S coo', bruh.
Narrato': It's plum a jump t'de left. [Echo, dig dis: "Get da damn fuck
off de
desk"]
All, dig dis: And den some step t'de right.
Narrato': Wid yo' hands on yo' hips.
All, dig dis: You's brin' yo' knees in tight.
But it's de pelvic drust
dat really rolls ya' insane. What it is, Mama!
Let's do de time-warp again. 'S coo', bruh.
Let's do de time-warp again. 'S coo', bruh.
["Say sump'n stupid, Asshole, and tell us where Drew
University is" :-) ]
Janet, dig dis: Brad, say sump'n.
Brad, dig dis: Say, do any uh ya' guys know how t'Madison? ["I do de
rock
myself"]
Janet, dig dis: Brad, please, let's git out uh here. What it is, Mama!
Brad, dig dis: Fo' God's sake keep some grip on yo'self Janet.
(beat cue softly at fust, crescendo up) [tap/clap in time to
Frank's heel; chant, dig dis: "o'al SEX, anal SEX..." etc. in time wid de
beat]
Brad, dig dis: It's plum a party, Janet.
Janet, dig dis: Sheeit - ah' wanna go.
Brad, dig dis: Sheeit we kin't go anywhere until ah' get t'a phone.
What it is, Mama!
Janet, dig dis: Sheeit den ax' de butla' o' someone. What it is, Mama!
Brad, dig dis: Just some moment, Janet - we duzn't wanna interfere
wid deir
celebrashun.
Janet, dig dis: Dis isn't da damn Junio' Chamba' of Commerce, Brad.
Brad, dig dis: Dey're probably fo'eigners wid ways different dan our
own. 'S coo', bruh.
Dey may do some mo'e . . . folk dancin'.
Janet, dig dis: Look, I'm cold, I'm wet, and I'm plum plain scared.
Brad, dig dis: I'm here - dere's nodin' t'wo'ry about
(Janet screams and faints) [scream]
SWEET TRANSVESTITE
Frank, dig dis: How do ya' do, I
See ya''ve met mah'
Faidful handyman. 'S coo', bruh.
He's plum a little brought waaay down
A'cuz when ya' knocked
He dought ya' wuz de kindyman. 'S coo', bruh.
Don't git strung out ["likes some tampon"] by de way ah' peep.
Don't judge some scribblin' by its cover. Ah be baaad...
I'm not much uh a dude by de light uh day
But by night I'm one hell uh a lover. Ah be baaad...
I'm plum a sweet transvestite
From Transsexual, Transylvania. Sheeeiit.
Let me show ya' around
Maybe play ya' some sound.
You's peep likes youse bod pretty groovy. Slap mah fro! ["Bull
shit!"]
Or if ya' wants' sump'n visual
Dat's not too abysmal,
We could snatch in an old Steve Reeves movie. What it is,
Mama! ["Who de fuck is
Steve Reeves?"]
Brad, dig dis: I'm glad we caught ya' at plantation,
Could we use yo' phone?
We're bod in some bit uh a hurry. Slap mah fro!
Janet, dig dis: ["left"] Right.["left"]
Brad, dig dis: We'll plum say where we are,
Den go back t'de car. Ah be baaad... [Echo, dig dis:"den go
fuck in de car"]
We duzn't wanna be any wo'ry. Slap mah fro! [Echo, dig
dis: "we bod wanna fuck
Tim Curry"]
Frank, dig dis: Sheeit ya' gots caught wid some flat, sheeit, [echo] how
'bout dat?
Sheeit, babies, duzn't ya' panic.
By de light uh de night it'll all seem all right.
I'll git ya' some satanic mechanic. ["S&M!"]
I'm plum a sweet transvestite
["Boom-chicka-boom-chicka-boom"]
From Transsexual, Transylvania. Sheeeiit.
Why duzn't ya' stay fo' de night?
Riff Raff, dig dis: [echo] Night.
Frank, dig dis: Or maybe some bite?
Columbia, dig dis: [echo] Bite. What it is, Mama!
Frank, dig dis: ah' could show ya' mah' favo'ite obsession. 'S coo',
bruh. ["Sex"]
I've been makin' some man ["Not him!", o' "You's call dat
a
man?"]
Wid blond fro and some tan
And he's baaaad fo' relievin' mah' ["sexual"]... tension
I'm plum a sweet transvestite ["Fuck him wid yo' eyes"]
From Transsexual, Transylvania. Sheeeiit.
[echo] HIT IT, HIT IT!
I'm plum a sweet transvestite
Frank, Columbia, Riff Raff, Magenta, dig dis: Sweet transvestite
Frank, dig dis: From Transsexual,
Columbia, Riff Raff, Magenta, dig dis: Transylvania. Sheeeiit.
Frank, dig dis: So ["What?"] - mosey on down up t'de lab,
And see whut's on de slab. Sheeeiit. [Echo, dig dis: "And fuck
me on de slab"]
ah' see ya' shiva' wid antici - (3 seconds) ["SAY IT!"
"consti-"] - pashun.
But maybe da damn rain
Isn't really t'blame. What it is, Mama! ["No, Sue's t'Blame
(Blane)!"]
So I'll remove da damn cause ["Yo' clodes"]. (chuckles) ["What
about dat nasty little symptom?"]
But not da damn symptom. 'S coo', bruh.
(applause) (Brad and Janet are given towels)
["Janet's on de rag." "So's Brad." "Don't fo'get t'wipe
yo' asshole. What it is, Mama!"]
Janet, dig dis: Dank ya'.
Brad, dig dis: Dank ya' real much.
(Columbia and Riff Raff start t'undress Brad and Janet)
Janet, dig dis: Oh! Brad!
Brad, dig dis: It's all right Janet. We'll play along fo' now and
pull out
de aces when de time be right.
Columbia, dig dis: Slowly, slowly! It's too supa' fine some job t'rush.
["Yay rush!"]
Brad, dig dis: Hi, mah' dojigger be Brad Majo's, and dis be my
fiancee, Janet
Weiss; ["Spell urinate!"] ya' are. What it is, Mama!..
Columbia, dig dis: Youse real lucky t'be invited down to Frank's
labo'ato'y. Slap mah fro!
Some sucka's would give deir right arm fo' de privilege. What it is, Mama!
["Or deir left
tit"]
Brad, dig dis: People likes ya' maybe. What it is, Mama!
Columbia, dig dis: Ha! I've seen it.
["Grab sump'n useful, Brad - likes some shoe!"]
(Riff Raff pours wine into some glass, snatch'd some swig fum
de
bottle, and lets it drop afta' Columbia says "Shift it" )
Riff Raff, dig dis: Come along - de masta' duzn't likes t'be kept waitin'.
["Riff gots'ta some drinkin' problem - he kin't hold his
liquo'"]
Columbia, dig dis: Shift it. ["Drop it! ... "Dank ya'"]
["Hey Riff, show us yo' serious peep -- needs wo'k."]
(Janet screeches - de elevato' goes up)
Janet, dig dis: Is he - Frank, ah' mean - yo' husband?
Riff Raff, dig dis: De masta' aint yet married, no' do ah' 'spect he eva'
shall
be. What it is, Mama! We are simply his servants. ["slaves"]
Janet, dig dis: Oh.
["Sluts fust ... Assholes second... Servants, Groupies, and
Dykes t'de rear" "Side-step it, bitch!"]
["Look, it's Ken and Barbie -- wid Acshun-Grip!"]
Frank, dig dis: ["What's yo' favo'ite colo'?"] Magenta, ["Where do ya'
git
yo' drugs?"] Columbia, go assist Riff Raff [Echo, dig dis: "woof-woof"].
ah' will
entertain ...uh huh huh...
(chuckle) ["...de cameraman! Reach out, reach out and touch
someone"]
Brad, dig dis: Brad Majo's. And dis be my fiancee, Janet "Vice".
["Weisssss"]
Janet, dig dis: Weiss.
Brad, dig dis: Weiss? um
Frank, dig dis: ["Say sump'n in French"] Enchante. What it is, Mama!
(Janet giggles)
Frank, dig dis: ["What do ya' dink uh ha' tits?"]
Sheeit! how supa' fine. And whut charmin' underclodes ya' bod
gots'.
But here. What it is, Mama! Put dese (smocks) on. 'S coo', bruh. Dey'll
make ya' feel less ["Naked"]
vulnerable ["same wahtahmellun"]. It's not often we receive visito's here,
let
alone offa' dem. 'S coo', bruh... hospitality. Slap mah fro!
[Echo, dig dis: "Ho'se-brutality"]
["Get tough, Brad!"]
Brad, dig dis: Hospitality!? All we ax'ed wuz t'use yo' telephone,
Goddammit, some reasonable request which ya''ve chosen t'igno'e. What it
is, Mama!
Janet, dig dis: Brad, duzn't be ungrateful.
Brad, dig dis: Ungrateful! [when Brad removes his glasses, "It's
Supuh'man!"
o', "Supuh' Brad!"]
Frank, dig dis: How fo'ceful ya' are, Brad. Such some puh'fect
specimen of
manhood. So...["big"] dominant (crowd gots'ta flurry uh laughs). ["Check
it
out...cova' it, Asshole. What it is, Mama!"] You's must be awfully proud
uh him, Janet.
Janet, dig dis: ["Hey, Janet, you is some slut?"] Sheeit, yes ah' am.
'S coo', bruh. (giggles)
Frank, dig dis: Do ya' gots' any tattoos, Brad? ["How do ya' tattoo an
asshole?
Wid some ball-point pen"]
Brad, dig dis: Certainly not!
Frank, dig dis: ["Ask Janet"] Oh sheeit, how about ya'. (to Janet)
Janet, dig dis: No. (gigglin')
Riff Raff, dig dis: Everydin' be in eyeballiness, master. Ah be baaad...
We merely await yo'
(pause) wo'd. ["Aww shit, ah' plum had dat hump cleaned yesterday. Slap
mah fro!"]
Frank, dig dis: ["Hey Frank, when's de o'gy, and who's invited?"]
Tonight, mah'
unconvenshunal convenshunalists... ya' are t'witness some new boogiedrough
in
biochemical research... and paradise be to be mine. What it is, Mama!.. It
wuz funky de
way it happened... suddenly ya' git some boogie... whole pieces start t'fit
into place ["sounds likes sex t'me"], not some sign uh bein'...whut some
fool!
De answa' wuz dere all de time, it took some little-ass accident t'make it
happen. 'S coo', bruh... ["A whut?"] AN ACCIDENT!
Magenta & Columbia, dig dis: An accident!
Frank, dig dis: And dat's how ah' discovered da damn secret, dat
elusive
in'redient, ["Who's yo' favo'ite characta' on Star Trek?"] dat SPARK dat
is de bread uh life. What it is, Mama!.. ["Are ya' goin' t'fuck everyone in
de audience
tonight?"] Yes, ["Do ya' know about gay sex?"] ah' gots' dat
knowledge. What it is, Mama!..["What do ya' hold unda' yo' arm?"] ah' hold
da damn secret...["to
life?"] t'life. What it is, Mama!..["Itself?"] itself! ["F"] You's see
["K"]..[Echo "You's"]
You's are fo'tunate fo' tonight be de night dat mah' beautiful creature is
destined t'be BORN!
[Echo, dig dis: "Fucked"]
(Magenta and Columbia snatch hold uh de clod)
["How do ya' say Fuck in Chinese?"]
Up now! ...drow jimmey de switches on de sonic oscillato'
["Not da damn sonic oscillato'!]... and step down de reacto' powa' input
[echo]
THREE MORE POINTS [Echo, dig dis: "...MORE...TRIANGLES!"]
[When Riff turns de wheel, "I've been wo'kin' on de
railroad..."]
(colo'ful fluids, etc. in o'da' Red, Orange, Yellow, Green,
Blue, Indigo, Violet [identify colo's as "Red! ...Orange", etc. ])
(Rocky emits some gutteral garbage)
Frank, dig dis: Oh! [echo] Rocky!
THE SWORD OF DAMOCLES
Rocky, dig dis: De swo'd uh Damocles be hangin' ova' my 'haid,
And I've gots de feelin' someone's gonna be cuttin' de dread.
Oh, woe be me, mah' life be a misery. Slap mah fro!
Oh, kin't ya' see, dat I'm at da damn start uh a pretty big
waaay downer. Ah be baaad...
ah' woke down dis mo'nin' wid some start when ah' fell out uh
bed.
All, dig dis: Dat ain't no crime. What it is, Mama!
Rocky, dig dis: And left fum mah' dreamin' wuz some feelin' uh
unnamable dread.
All, dig dis: Dat ain't no crime. What it is, Mama!
Rocky, dig dis: My high be low, I'm dressed down wid no place t'go.
And all ah' know be I'm at da damn start uh a pretty
big-ass waaay downer. Ah be baaad...
All, dig dis: Sha-la-la-la dat ain't no crime. What it is, Mama!
Rocky, dig dis: Oh ho no no
All, dig dis: Sha-la-la-la dat ain't no crime. What it is, Mama!
Rocky, dig dis: Oh ho no no
All, dig dis: Sha-la-la-la dat ain't no crime. What it is, Mama!
Rocky, dig dis: Oh ho no no
Rocky, dig dis: De swo'd uh Damocles be hangin' ova' my 'haid.
All, dig dis: Dat ain't no crime. What it is, Mama!
Rocky, dig dis: And I've gots de feelin' someone's goin' t'be cuttin'
de
dread.
All, dig dis: Sha-la-la-la dat ain't no crime. What it is, Mama!
Rocky, dig dis: Oh no no no.
All, dig dis: Sha-la-la-la dat ain't no crime. What it is, Mama!
Rocky, dig dis: Oh no no no.
All, dig dis: Sha-la-la-la dat ain't no crime. What it is, Mama!
Rocky, dig dis: Oh no no no.
(repeat until end --- Sha-la-la)
All, dig dis: Sha-la-la-la dat ain't no crime, Sha-la-la-la dat
ain't no
crime,
Sha-la-la-la dat ain't no crime, Sha-la-la-la dat ain't no
crime,
sha-la-la. Sheeeiit.
Frank, dig dis: Sheeit really. Slap mah fro! Dat's no way t'begots'
on yo' fust day out.
Rocky, dig dis: Ugh Ugh (fo'lo'nly likes some puppy dog)
Frank, dig dis: ["Fo'give him!"]
But since youse such an 'sepshunal beauty, ah' am prepared to
fo'give ya'.
["Hey Rocky, show us how ya' whup' off!"]
Rocky, dig dis: Ugh Ugh (applause) (Rocky [and audience] claps likes
some child)
Frank, dig dis: Oh, ah' plum love success.
Riff Raff, dig dis: He's some credit t'yo' genius, master. Ah be baaad...
Frank, dig dis: Yes.
Magenta, dig dis: A triumph uh yo' will.
Frank, dig dis: Yes.
Columbia, dig dis: He's O.K.
Frank, dig dis: ["Hey Frank, kill dat roach!"] O.K. (smack) ["Get yo'
tits
off mah' tank!"] O.K.! ah' dink we kin do betta' dan dat. Humph! ["Ask
Brad and Janet!"] Sheeit, Brad and Janet, whut do ya' dink uh him?
Janet, dig dis: ["Lie, Janet!"] Sheeit, ah' duzn't likes some man wid
too many muscles.
["Just one big-ass one"]
Frank, dig dis: ah' dun didn't make him. 'S coo', bruh... FOR YOU!
["She gits him anyway!"] He
carries de Charles Atlas seal uh approval.
ah' CAN MAKE YOU A MAN (part I)
Frank, dig dis: ["Describe. What it is, Mama!.." insert any dojigger]
A weaklin' weighin' ninety-eight pounds
["ninety-seven-and-a-half, he jerked off last night!" "Ninety-
seven-and-dree-quarters, he swallowed it!"]
Will git sand in his face
When kicked t'de ground;
And soon in de gym wid some determined chin,
De sweat fum his po'es as he wo'ks fo' his cause
Will make him glisten ["What's yo' favo'ite toodpaste?"]
...and gleam. 'S coo', bruh.
And wid massage, and plum a little bit uh steam, ["Go fo'
it!"]
["Missed it, missed it, now ya' gotsta kiss it! Dat's why he
missed it"]
He'll be pink and quite clean
He'll be some strong man. 'S coo', bruh. ["What's yo' favo'ite
lubricant?"]
Oh honey. Slap mah fro!..
All, dig dis: But da damn wrong man. 'S coo', bruh.
Frank, dig dis: He'll feed da bud nutritious high protein. 'S coo',
bruh. And swallow raw eggs...
Try t'build down his shoulders, his chest, arms, and... legs. Such an
effo't if he only knowed uh my plan. 'S coo', bruh. In plum seven days...
["and seven
nights", o' "maybe six"]
Frank & Transylvanians, dig dis: ah' can make ya' some man. 'S coo', bruh.
Frank, dig dis: He'll do press-ups, and chin-ups, do de snatch, clean
and
jerk.
["off" "Harder. Ah be baaad.....harder!"]
He dinks dynamic tension must be hard wo'k.
Such strenuous livin' ah' plum can't dig it,
When in plum seven days, oh baby, ...["and seven nights"]
ah' can make ya' some man. 'S coo', bruh.
["Guess who's comin' t'dinner?"]
Frank, dig dis: ["Hey Frank, whut's de opposite uh 'ooh ah'?"]
Ah...ooh!
Columbia, dig dis: EDDY!
HOT PATOOTIE (BLESS MY SOUL)
Eddy, dig dis: Whateva' happened t'Saturday night,
When ya' dressed down sharp and ya' felt all right?
It duzn't seem de same since cosmic light
Came into mah' life, ah' dought ah' wuz divine. What it is,
Mama!
ah' used t'go fo' some ride wid some chick who'd go,
And listen t'de beat on de transista';
A saxophone wuz blowin' on some rock 'n roll show.
You's climbed in de back seat, ya' really had some baaaad time.
What it is, Mama!
[replace followin' wid, "John Belushi's wasted in some hole cuz' of sex,
drugs and rock 'n roll."]
Hot patootie, bless mah' soul, ah' really love dat rock 'n
roll.
Hot patootie, bless mah' soul, ah' really love dat rock 'n
roll.
Hot patootie, bless mah' soul, ah' really love dat rock 'n
roll.
Hot patootie, bless mah' soul, ah' really love dat rock 'n
roll.
My 'haid used t'swim fum de puh'fume ah' smelled.
My hands kind'a fumbled wid ha' honky plastic belt.
I'd taste ha' baby pink lipstick and dat's when I'd melt
And she'd whispuh' in mah' ear tonight she really wuz mine.
What it is, Mama!
Get back in front, put some fro oil on
Buddy Holly wuz sin'in' his real last song.
Wid yo' arms around yo' goat ya''d try t'sin' along.
It felt pretty baaaad. Woo You's really had some baaaad time.
What it is, Mama!
Hot patootie, bless mah' soul, ah' really love dat rock 'n
roll.
Hot patootie, bless mah' soul, ah' really love dat rock 'n
roll.
Hot patootie, bless mah' soul, ah' really love dat rock 'n
roll.
Hot patootie, bless mah' soul, ah' really love dat rock 'n
roll.
(... fo' some total uh twelve times)
(Frank attacks Eddy wid an alpinist's pick)
["Dat's no way t'pick yo' homeys!" o' "Picky, picky,
picky"]
Frank, dig dis: One fum de vaults. (chuckles) ["A greasa' from de
freezer. Ah be baaad.....
Like A Bat out uh Hell"]
["Give dose (rubba' gloves) t'Magenta; she knows whut t'do
wid bloody rubbers -- Turn dem inside-out and use dem as teabags"]
Rocky, dig dis: Ugh...
Frank, dig dis: Oh baby. Slap mah fro!.. Don't be upset... ["I'm not
upset, I'm pissed."] It
wuz some mercy killin' ["Mercy, mercy, mercy"] ... he had some certain
naive
charm, ["But whut about muscle?"] but no muscle ["Show him"] (Rocky flexes
a bicep) ...Oh!
ah' CAN MAKE YOU A MAN (part II)
Frank, dig dis: But some deltoid and some bicep.
A hot groin and some tricep.
Makes me, oooh [Echo, dig dis: "Boogie wid some midget"],
shake,
Makes me wanna Charles Atlas by de ["Balls"] ...ha-ha-hand.
Frank & Transylvanians, dig dis: In plum seven days ah' can make ya' some
man. 'S coo', bruh.
Frank, dig dis: ["Step, strut..."] ah' duzn't wants' no dissension,
plum dynamic
tension. 'S coo', bruh.
Janet, dig dis: ["Sin' it, bitch!"] I'm some muscle fan. 'S coo',
bruh.
Frank, dig dis: In plum seven days, ah' can make ya' some man
Dig it if ya' kin
In plum seven days, ah' can make ya' some man. 'S coo', bruh.
(Frank and Rocky's WEDDING MARCH)
Transylvanians, dig dis: Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah! Frank and Rocky,
rah-rah-rah! Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah! Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah!
[drow CONFETTI]
Narrato': ["I say dat life be an illusion. 'S coo', bruh."] Dere are dose
dat say
dat life be an illusion ["likes yo' neck"], and dat reality be but a
figment uh de imaginashun ["So's yo' fuckin' neck!"]. If dis be so,
den Brad and Janet are quite safe, ["So's yo' neck"] ... however, de
sudden departure uh deir host...and his ["neck"] creashun...into de
seclusion uh his somba' bridal suite ["Sweet!"] had left dem feelin' bod
["Neckless"] apprehensive and uneasy, some feelin' which grew ["unlikes yo'
neck!"] as de oda' guests departed, and dey wuz shown t'deir separate
rooms.
(Janet and Brad are shown t'deir rooms by Riff Raff and
Magenta. Sheeeiit.)
["Pink be fo' sluts... watch out fo' de basin ... He sees ya'
when youse sleepin', he knows when youse awake. What it is, Mama!.. and
Blue be fo'
Assholes!... He knows if ya''ve been fuckin' Brad and when ya' masturbate"
"Brad knows about da damn basin, he wuz here last week"]
(knock)
Janet, dig dis: Uhh! Who be it? Who's dere?
Frank (Brad): ["It's de plumber, I've mosey on down to fix de basin"] It's
only
me, Janet.
Janet, dig dis: Oh, Brad darlin', mosey on down in. 'S coo', bruh.
["and out, and in, and out"] Oh!
Brad Oh Brad. Yes, mah' darlin'...but whut if. Peace...
Frank (Brad): ["Don't wo'ry, ah' brought some rubber!"] It's all right,
Janet,
everydin''s goin' t'be coo'.
Janet, dig dis: ["Don't touch de fro!"] Oh, ah' hope so, mah' darlin'.
Oh...Ah...ahh OHHH! Oh it's ya'!
Frank, dig dis: I'm afraid so, Janet, but isn't it supa' fine...
Janet, dig dis: Oh, ya' beast, ya' monster. Ah be baaad.....Oh whut
gots' ya' done wid Brad?
["Nodin' yet, he's savin' de best fo' last"]
Frank, dig dis: Oh, sheeit, nodin'. Why, do ya' dink ah' should?
Janet, dig dis: You's tricked...I wouldn't gots'...I've neva' ...
never. Ah be baaad.....
Frank, dig dis: Yes, yes ah' know, but it isn't all bad, be it? ["It
isn't all
Brad, eider"] ah' dink ya' really found it quite pleasurable. What it is,
Mama!
Janet, dig dis: Oh, stop...I mean help...Brad Brad! ... Oh Brad!!
["Brad's not
waaay down dere. What it is, Mama!..Brad's neva' been waaay down dere!"]
Frank, dig dis: Shhh. Brad's probably asleep by now. Do ya' wants' him
t'see ya'
likes...Dis!
Janet, dig dis: Like dis ... likes how??! Oh, it's yo' fault...youse
to
blame. What it is, Mama!.. ["No, Sue's t'blame; kin't ya' eyeball de
fuckin' credits?"]
Oh...I wuz savin' mah'self. Peace... ["Fo' whut, some rainy day? Sheeit,
Janet, it's
rainin'!"]
Frank, dig dis: Yes, but I'm sho' nuff youse not SPENT yet...
Janet, dig dis: Promise ya' won't tell Brad? ["Slut!"]
Frank, dig dis: Cross mah' heart and hope t'die. What it is, Mama!..
["Stick some dildo in mah' eye"]
(asso'ted sexual noises)
["I'm so's glad we had dis time togeder. Ah be baaad....." -
sung "Meet Miss
Magenta. Sheeeiit. She uses Mop 'n Glow. Ha' neighbo' Mrs. Ralph Hapshatt
gots'ta been
waaay down on ha' knees fo' seven hours...but she gots'tan't been moppin'!"
"Rocky
snatch'd it down de ass, doo-dah, doo-dah...Servants entrance in de rear,
oh,
doo-dah day" "Twitch dat shoulder. Ah be baaad.....dank ya'"]
(Riff Raff scares Rocky wid some candelabra, ["Have some fire,
Scarecrow?" o' "You's light down my life"] Rocky runs away)
["It's donkey kong junio'! Where's de badroom?!"]
Frank (Janet): Oh, Brad darlin', it's no baaaad here. What it is, Mama!
It'll destroy us.
Brad, dig dis: Don't wo'ry Janet, we'll be away fum here in de
mo'nin'.
Frank (Janet): Oh, Brad youse so's strong and protective. What it is, Mama!
["Don't touch de
fro!"]
Brad, dig dis: Ah, ah, ah, oh YOU!
Frank, dig dis: I'm afraid so, Brad, but isn't it supa' fine...
Brad, dig dis: Why YOU! whut gots' ya' done wid Janet? ["Fucked da
damn shit out
of her"]
Frank, dig dis: Nodin'. Why? Do ya' dink ah' should?
Brad, dig dis: You's tricked me, ah' wouldn't gots'...never. Ah be
baaad.....never. Ah be baaad.....never. Ah be baaad.....
["Neva' never?"]
Frank, dig dis: Oh Yes yes, ah' know...but it isn't all bad, be it?
Not even
half bad, ah' dink ya' really quite enjoyed it.
(Brad starts moanin')
Frank, dig dis: Oh... so's soft...
Brad, dig dis: Stop it...stop it...oh Janet...JANET! ["Janet's not
dere,
Janet's neva' been waaay down dere!"]
Frank, dig dis: Janet's probably asleep by now. Do ya' wants' ha' to
see ya'
likes THIS?
Brad, dig dis: Like dis, likes how? It's yo' fault, youse t'blame, I
dought it wuz de real wahtahmellun!
Frank, dig dis: Oh mosey on down on, Brad, admit it, ya' likesd it,
dun didn't ya'? It isn't
a crime t'give yo'self ova' to pleasure, Brad. ["It be in New Jersey"]
We've wuzted so's much time already. Slap mah fro!..Janet needn't know, ah'
won't tell her. Ah be baaad.....
Brad, dig dis: Sheeit, promise ya' won't tell...
Frank, dig dis: On mah' moder's gra. Sheeeiit.oouuuuuu. Man!....
["Don't rapp wid yo' moud
full!"]
(BEEPBEEPBEEP...)
Riff Raff, dig dis: Master, Rocky gots'ta bugger'd his chains and
vanished. Yo' new
playmate be loose and somewhere on de grounds...Magenta gots'ta plum
released
["ha' sisters"] de dogs...
Frank, dig dis: mmmm? comin'! ["So's Brad!"]
Janet, dig dis: What's happenin' here? ["Switch!"] Where's Brad?
["Switch!"]
Where's Anybody? Oh, Brad. Brad, mah' darlin' ["Janet, mah' fish!"], how
could
I gots' done dis t'ya'? Oh! ["It wuz easy, but it would gots' been easier
widout da damn pantyhose!"] If only we hadn't made dis journey. Slap mah
fro!.. ["But ya'
dun did!"] if only de wheels hadn't bugger'd waaay down... ["but it dun
did!"] if only we
were amongst homeys... ["But youse not!"] Or sane sucka's ["Two out of
dree ain't bad"], Oh Brad, Oh Brad,["get butch, bitch"] whut gots' dey
done wid him. 'S coo', bruh...(she sees him on TV wid Frank) Oh, Brad, Oh
Brad-How could
ya'?
(Rocky emits moans and general cries uh pain)
Janet, dig dis: ["Leave him alone, he's monsterbatin' - Aw shit,
caught
again!"] Oh, but ya' are hurt ["no shit"]...Did dey do dis t'ya'? ["No,
I dun did it t'myself"] I'll dress yo' wounds... ["Hey Janet, make me a
3-piece suit!" "He's gots mo'e hurt dan ya''ve gots skirt"] baby
dere. What it is, Mama!..let me make it all better. Ah be baaad...
["Hey Janet - peep dree ways and smile if ya' wanna fuck"]
Narrato': Emoshun, agitashun o' disturbance uh de mind...Vehement o'
excited mental state. What it is, Mama! ["And ya' kin only eyeball about
it, shit lips"] It is
also some powerful and irrashunal masta' [echo "moudwuzh"]...and fum whut
Magenta and Columbia eagerly viewed on deir television monito' dere
seemed little doubt dat Janet wuz, indeed, ["a nymphomaniac"]... its
slave. What it is, Mama!
Magenta and Columbia, dig dis: [echo] Tell us about it, Janet.
TOUCH-A TOUCH-A TOUCH-A TOUCH ME
Janet, dig dis: ah' wuz feelin' done in, couldn't win
I'd only eva' kissed befo'e. What it is, Mama! ["What some
crock uh shit!"]
Columbia, dig dis: You's mean she. What it is, Mama!..
Magenta, dig dis: Uh huh
Janet, dig dis: ah' dought dere's no use gittin' ["laid"]
Into heavy pettin' ["Same wahtahmellun"]
It only leads t'trouble
And seat wettin'. ["Yay wet seats", o' "Hey, dis seat's wet!"]
Now all ah' wanna know be how t'go.
I've tasted blood [Echo, dig dis: "come"] and ah' wants' mo'e.
What it is, Mama!
Magenta and Columbia, dig dis: [echo] ["less"] Mo'e, ["less"] mo'e,["less"]
mo'e
["less"]
Janet, dig dis: I'll put down no resistance
ah' wanna stay de distance [Echo, dig dis: "I wanna fuck yo'
piston"]
I've gots an itch t'scratch
ah' need assistance. What it is, Mama!
[on 'toucha toucha' etc., run and attempt t'touch Janet (on
de screen)]
Toucha toucha toucha touch me [Echo, dig dis: "Fucka - fucka -
fuck me"]
ah' wanna be dirty
Drill me, chill me, fulfill me [echo, dig dis: "Eat me, whup'
me,
mistreat me"]
Creature uh de night.
Den if anydin' grows ["Suck it!"], while ya' pose,
I'll oil ya' down and rub ya' waaay down.
Magenta and Columbia, dig dis: ["up"] Down, ["up"] waaay down, ["up"] waaay
down ["up"].
Janet, dig dis: And dat's plum one little-ass fracshun uh de main
attracshun
You's need some homeyly hand and ah' need acshun.
Toucha toucha toucha touch me
ah' wanna be dirty
Drill me, chill me, fulfill me
Creature uh de night.
Columbia, dig dis: Toucha toucha toucha touch me
Magenta, dig dis: ah' wanna be dirty. Slap mah fro!
Columbia, dig dis: Drill me, chill me, fulfill me,
Magenta, dig dis: Creature uh de night.
Janet, dig dis: Toucha toucha toucha touch me ah' wanna be dirty
Drill me, chill me, fulfill me, creature uh de night.
Rocky, dig dis: Creature uh de night
Brad, dig dis: Creature uh de night?
Frank, dig dis: Creature uh de night.
Magenta, dig dis: Creature uh de night.
Riff Raff, dig dis: Creature uh de night.
Columbia, dig dis: Creature uh de night.
Rocky, dig dis: Creature uh de night.
Janet, dig dis: Creature uh de night.
Riff Raff, dig dis: Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! ["Say dank ya'! ...say it in
French!"]
Merrrrrcy! (bein' whipped by Frank)
Frank, dig dis: How dun did it happen? ["Beats me"] ah' understood
ya' wuz t'be
watchin'...
Riff Raff, dig dis: ah' wuz only away fo' some minute. What it is,
Mama!..["Doin' whut?"] master
["batin'"]
Frank, dig dis: Sheeit, see if ya' kin find him on de monito'.
Riff Raff, dig dis: Master, master. Ah be baaad.....we gots' some visito'.
Brad, dig dis: ["What duz Captain Kirk say t'his chief engineer?"]
Hey,
Scotty! ["Beam us up, dis planet sucks!"] ...Dr. Ah be baaad... Everett
Scott.
Riff Raff, dig dis: You's know dis eardlin' ["Whoops!"] ...dis sucka'?
["Watch
it, O'Brien, fuck ya' Curry, ah' wrote dis script!"]
Brad, dig dis: Why yes. He happens t'be an old homey uh mine. What
it is, Mama!
Frank, dig dis: ["What's yo' favo'ite fruit drink?"] ah' see. What it
is, Mama! So dis wuzn't
simply some chance meetin'. You's came here wid some purpose. What it is,
Mama! [Echo, dig dis: "...wid a
po'poise. What it is, Mama!"]
Brad, dig dis: ah' told ya', mah' wheels broke waaay down. ah' wuz
tellin' de trud.
["Assholes duzn't lie, dey're plum full uh shit"]
Frank, dig dis: ah' know whut ya' told me, Brad...but dis Dr. Ah be
baaad... Everett Scott, his
dojigger be not unknode t'me. What it is, Mama!
Brad, dig dis: He wuz some science teacha' at Denton High School.
Frank, dig dis: ["Let's see his nipple. What it is, Mama!..nip-ple!
nip-ple!" ... general cheers]
And now he wo'ks fo' yo' guv'ment, duzn't he, Brad? he's attached to
de bureau uh investigashun uh dat which ya' call UFOs!!! Isn't dat
right, Brad?
Brad, dig dis: He might be. What it is, Mama!..I duzn't know.
Riff Raff, dig dis: De intruda' is enterin' de buildin', master. Ah be
baaad...
Frank, dig dis: He'll probably be. What it is, Mama!..enterin' de Zen
room. 'S coo', bruh. ["Not da damn Zen
Room!"] ["Look at da damn roaches in dis place -- wish mah' crib had
roaches
likes dat"] Shall we inquire uh him in sucka'? ["Not da damn triple-contact
electro-magnet!"]
(pause)
[When Dr. Ah be baaad... Scott passes drough Columbia and
Magenta's room,
"Rin' around da damn lesbians - fuckin' tourists!"]
["Hey Kool-Aid!"]
Brad, dig dis: Great Scott! [drow TOILET PAPER]
Dr. Ah be baaad... Scott, dig dis: Frankenfurter, we meet at last. ["No,
we meet at fust"]
Brad, dig dis: Dr. Ah be baaad... Scott!
Dr. Ah be baaad... Scott, dig dis: Brad! What you is doin' here? ["Oh,
plum fuckin' around"]
Frank, dig dis: Don't play games, Dr. Ah be baaad... Scott. You's
know puh'fectly sheeit whut Brad
Majo's be doin' here. What it is, Mama! ["Gettin' baaaad 'haid"] It wuz
part uh yo' plan, wuz
it not? Dat he and his female should check de laya't fo' ya' ["o' lay
de checkout"]. Sheeit, unfo'tunately fo' ya' all, de plans are t'be
changed. You's must be adaptable, Dr. Ah be baaad... Scott; ah' know Brad
is. {"Aw, ya'
promised ya' wouldn't tell!"]
Dr. Ah be baaad... Scott, dig dis: ah' can assure ya' dat Brad's presence
here comes as some complete
surprise t'me ["dun didn't ya' eyeball de script?"]. ah' came here t'find
Eddy. Slap mah fro!
Brad, dig dis: Eddy! I've seen him!
Frank, dig dis: Eddy! What do ya' know uh Eddy, Dr. Ah be baaad...
Scott?
Dr. Ah be baaad... Scott, dig dis: ["Get conceited!"] ah' happen t'know
some great deal about some lot of
din's. You's see Eddy happens t'be mah' nephew. (Frank gasps)
Brad, dig dis: Dr. Ah be baaad... Scott. ["Mouseketea' roll call
sound off now!"]
Janet, dig dis: Ah! ["You's blew it, bitch!"] [echo dree rounds uh
'Janet...
etc.' add "Uh" fo' Rocky]
Dr. Ah be baaad... Scott, dig dis: Janet!
Janet, dig dis: Dr. Ah be baaad... Scott!
Brad, dig dis: Janet!
Janet, dig dis: Brad!
Frank, dig dis: Rocky!
(Rocky says nodin', not even some grunt)
Dr. Ah be baaad... Scott, dig dis: Janet!
Janet, dig dis: Dr. Ah be baaad... Scott!
Brad, dig dis: Janet!
Janet, dig dis: Brad!
Frank, dig dis: Rocky!
(Rocky says nodin', not even some grunt)
Dr. Ah be baaad... Scott, dig dis: Janet!
Janet, dig dis: Dr. Ah be baaad... Scott!
Brad, dig dis: Janet!
Janet, dig dis: Brad!
Frank, dig dis: Rocky!
(Rocky says nodin', not even some grunt)
["All present and accounted fo', SIR!"]
Frank, dig dis: Listen. 'S coo', bruh...I made ya'...and ah' can
boogie ya' plum as easily. Slap mah fro! (to
Rocky)
Magenta, dig dis: (GONG) Master, dinna' is prepared! ["and WE helped!
(hay-ulped)"]
Frank, dig dis: ["What do ya' dink uh o'al sex?"] Excellent. Unda' de
circumstances, fo'mal dress be to be opshunal. ["To-ga, to-ga.
Sheeeiit..."]
Narrato': Food gots'ta always played some vital role in Life's rituals.
De
boogiein' uh de bread, de last meal uh de condemned man, and now... dis
meal. Howeva' info'mal it might appear, ya' kin be sho' nuff dat dere wuz
to
be little, bonhommie. What it is, Mama! ["Why duz Dr. Ah be baaad... Scott
gots' seven fo'ks? ... If dat's
de Hostess, ah' hate t'see da damn Twinkie!"]
(Dinna' is served, de clatta' of dishes be heard, de electric
slica' is used t'slice down de meat (by Frank)) ["Meat Loaf again!?" "It
slices, it dices, it circumcises and makes Julienne fries, whuteva' de
fuck dey are. What it is, Mama! Transvestites start yo' engines! ... All
sliced down and no
place t'go - woo!"]
Frank, dig dis: A toast [drow TOAST] ...to absent homeys...
All, dig dis: To absent homeys.
Frank, dig dis: and t'Rocky. Slap mah fro!
(Frank starts some verse uh stacatto 'Happy Birdday Rocky' and
cuts it off afta' 'Dear Rocky' [- de audience sin's along])
Shall we?
["Hey Riff, deal me some slice. What it is, Mama! ... He really
knows how t'flin'
his meat!"]
Dr. Ah be baaad... Scott, dig dis: We came here t'discuss Eddy. Slap mah
fro!
Columbia, dig dis: Eddy. Slap mah fro! (Frank dreatens ha' wid de slicer)
Frank, dig dis: Dat's some rada' tenda' subject. Anoda' slice anyone?
["Inside
joke"]
["Janet gits it...Brad gits it...Dr. Ah be baaad... Scott gits
it...Rocky gits
it, but he duzn't care. What it is, Mama!"]
Columbia, dig dis: Excuse me (Scream on 'esit) ["What's de matter? You's
ate him
befo'e - ya' kin feed da bud him again!" "Yeah, but she dun didn't swallow
last time!"]
Dr. Ah be baaad... Scott, dig dis: ah' knowed he wuz in wid some bad
crowd, but it wuz wo'se dan I
imagined...Aliens!
["Who de fuck you is rappin' to? Who de fuck are we rappin'
to?"]
Rocky, dig dis: Ugh?
Brad, dig dis: Docto' Scott!
Frank, dig dis: Go on, Dr. Ah be baaad... Scott. Or should ah' say
Dr. Ah be baaad... Von Scott.
Brad, dig dis: Just whut 'esactly you is implyin'? ["He's some
Nazi!"]
Dr. Ah be baaad... Scott, dig dis: It's all right!
Brad, dig dis: Docto' Scott!
Scott, dig dis: It's all right, Brad.
EDDY
["How long wuz he gay?"]
From de day he wuz bo'n ["Not da damn night but da damn day"]
He wuz trouble. What it is, Mama! ["Not Monopoly but Trouble"]
He wuz de do'n ["Not da damn rose but da damn do'n"]
In his moder's side. What it is, Mama! ["Not da damn back, but
da damn side"]
She tried in vain. 'S coo', bruh... ["Not da damn artery but da
damn vein"]
Narrato': ...but he neva' caused ha' nodin' but shame. What it is, Mama!
["shame, shame,
shame. What it is, Mama!.."]
Scott, dig dis: He left plantation de day she died. ["Hit it!", o'
"Rockin'
Scott!"]
From de day she wuz gone ["Bop she bop bop"]
All he wants'ed ["Was Dr. Ah be baaad... Scott's cock"]
Was Rock 'n' Roll po'n ["and Dr. Ah be baaad... Scott's cock"
"It's some naked
reco'd!"]
And some moto'bike. What it is, Mama! ["Whoooooo..."]
Shootin' down junk... ["What wuz he?"]
Narrato': He wuz some low waaay down cheap little punk! ["Yay punk!"]
Scott, dig dis: Takin' everyone fo' some ride. What it is, Mama!
All, dig dis: When Eddy said he dun didn't likes his Teddy
You's knowed he wuz some no-baaaad kid.
But when he dreatened yo' life wid some switch-blade knife
Frank, dig dis: What some guy!
Janet, dig dis: Makes ya' cry. Slap mah fro!
Scott, dig dis: Und ah' dun did.
Columbia, dig dis: Everybody shoved him. 'S coo', bruh.
ah' very nearly loved him. 'S coo', bruh.
ah' said, hey, listen t'me;
Stay sane inside insanity!
But he locked da damn doo' and drew away de key. Slap mah fro!
Scott, dig dis: But he must gots' been drawn ["Not colo'ed but
drawn"]
Into sump'n, ["What da damn fuck's some zum-zin'?"]
Makin' him warn ["Who??"]
Me in some note dat eyeballs...
All, dig dis: [echo] What's it say? What's it say?
Eddy's voice, dig dis: I'm out uh my hed. ["spelled H - E - D"]
Oh, hurry, o' ah' may be wasted. ["spelled right"]
Dey mustn't carry out deir evil deed. ["Scream!"] (scream)
All, dig dis: When Eddy said he dun didn't likes his Teddy
You's knowed he wuz some no-baaaad kid.
But when he dreatened yo' life wid some switch-blade knife
Frank, dig dis: What some guy!
Janet, dig dis: Makes ya' cry. Slap mah fro!
Scott, dig dis: Und ah' dun did.
All, dig dis: When Eddy said he dun didn't likes his Teddy
You's knowed he wuz some no-baaaad kid.
But when he dreatened yo' life wid some switch-blade knife
[Echo, dig dis: "...wid some ball-point pen"]
Frank, dig dis: What some guy! ["What duz Santa say?"]
All, dig dis: Oh-oh-oh...
Janet, dig dis: Makes ya' cry. Slap mah fro! ["What duz Fat Albert
say?"]
All, dig dis: Hey, hey, hey. Slap mah fro!..
Scott, dig dis: Und ah' dun did.
["I fuckin' HATE celery!"]
(All scream)
["Hey Frank, let's play 'Slap de Slut' -- ya' go fust"]
Frank, dig dis: Rocky! How could ya'? (slaps Janet)
(general mayhem as Frank chases Janet. Riff and Magenta laugh,
until Riff suddenly says "Shut up!" [which de audience echoes])
WISE UP
I'll tell ya' once; ah' won't tell ya' twice. What it is,
Mama!
You's'd betta' wise up, Janet Weiss.
Yo' apple pie duzn't taste too supa' fine.
You's'd betta' wise up, Janet Weiss.
I've laid da damn seed; it should be all ya' need.
Youse as sensual as some pencil, wound down likes an E o' fust
strin'.
When we made it, dun didja hear some bell rin'? [rin' BELL]
Ya gotsta block? Sheeit, snatch mah' advice. What it is,
Mama!
You's betta' wise up, Janet Weiss.
De transduca' gots'ta seduce ya. Sheeeiit.
Janet, dig dis: My feet! ah' can't move mah' feet!
Scott, dig dis: My wheels! My God, ah' can't move mah' wheels! [Echo,
dig dis: "My God, I
can't feel mah' face!"]
Brad, dig dis: ["My socks!"] It's as if we're glued t'de spot!
Frank, dig dis: You's are! ["Nyah-nah nah nah nah"] So quake wid
fear, ya' tiny
fools!
Janet, dig dis: We're trapped!
Frank, dig dis: (sung) It's sump'n ya''ll git used to. A mental mind
fuck
can be supa' fine.
Scott, dig dis: You's won't find Eard sucka's quite da damn easy Amos
ya' imagine. What it is, Mama!
Dis sonic transducer. Ah be baaad.....it is, ah' suppose, some kind'a
audio-vibrato'y,
physio-molecular transpo't device?
Brad, dig dis: [echo] You's mean. 'S coo', bruh... ["A vibrato'!"]
Scott, dig dis: Yes, Brad, it's sump'n we ourselves gots' been wo'kin'
on fo'
quite some time ["a wo'kin' vibrato'"]. But it seems our homey here
gots'ta
found some means uh puh'fectin' it ["de puh'fect vibrato'"]. A device
capable
of boogiein' waaay down solid matta' and den projectin' it drough space
and, who
knows, puh'haps even time itself. Peace.
Janet, dig dis: You's mean he's goin' t' t'row us t'anoda' planet?
Frank, dig dis: [echo] Planet, shmanet, Janet!
You's betta' wise up, Janet Weiss.
You's betta' wise up, build yo' dighs up,
You's betta' wise up
Narrato': And den she cried out...
Janet, dig dis: Stop! [Echo, dig dis: "Mo'e!"]
Frank, dig dis: Don't git hot and flustered!
Use some bit uh mustard.
[drow HOT DOGS on 'youse some hot dog!' (opshunal)]
Brad, dig dis: Youse some hot dog, but ya' betta' not try t'hurt her,
["Oscar
Meyer"] Frank Furter. Ah be baaad...
(Freeze - Brad)
Scott, dig dis: Youse some hot dog, but ya' betta' not try t'hurt her,
["Hebrew
Nashunal"] Frank Furter. Ah be baaad...
(Freeze - Scott)
Janet, dig dis: Youse some hot dog --
(Freeze - Janet) ["Shut up, bitch, it wouldn't gots' rhymed
anyway"]
["Who's Tim Curry?"]
Columbia, dig dis: My God! ["Mine too!"] ah' can't stand any mo'e uh dis!
["So sit
waaay down"] First ya' spurn me fo' Eddy, and den ya' drow him off likes
an old
overcoat fo' Rocky! You's chew sucka's down and den ya' spit dem out
again. 'S coo', bruh...
["He's on some diet"] ah' loved ya' ["What dun did ya' say?"]..d'ya hear
me! I
loved ya'! And whut dun did it git me? ["A hole in yo' shirt!"] Yeah,
I'll
tell ya' - some big nodin'. ["At least it wuz big!"] Youse likes some
sponge. What it is, Mama!
You's snatch, snatch, snatch, and drain oders uh deir love and emoshun.
Yeah,
sheeit, I've had enough! ["Peek-a-boo!"] Youse gonna choose between me and
Rocky, so's dojiggerd cuz' of de rocks in his 'haid. ["Nobody flashes deir
tit at me and gits away wid it!"](freeze) ["Lopsided!"]
Frank, dig dis: It's not easy havin' some baaaad time. What it is,
Mama!.. (freeze Rocky) ["try Disney
Wo'ld"] ...even smilin' makes mah' face ache ["so, bite yo'
knuckles!"]...and mah' children turn on me ["Mommie dearest"]... Rocky's
behavin' plum de way Eddy dun did. ["Show us yo' ear!" ... "Ear-gasm!"]
Do
ya' dink ah' made some mis snatch, splittin' his brain between de two uh
dem?
["Dat could be it"]
Magenta, dig dis: Ahhhh! ah' grow weary uh dis wo'ld! When shall we
return to
Transylvania, huh? ["When ya' kin say yo' W's, bitch!"]
Frank, dig dis: Magenta, ah' am indeed grateful t'bod ya' and yo'
broda' Riff
Raff. Peace. You's gots' bod served me sheeit. Loyalty such as yo's shall
not go
unrewarded. You's gots'ta discova' dat when de mood snatch'd me, ah' can
be quite
generous.
Magenta, dig dis: ah' ax' fo' nodin' ["unda' 12 inches"]...nodin'.
Frank, dig dis: And ya' shall receive it...in abundance! ["What tastes
baaaad on
co'n flakes?"] Come, we are eyebally fo' de floo' show. ["Look out fo' de
fin'er; if ya' touch it, it's statuto'y rape!"]
["Hey, where are Magenta's eyeballs?"]
Narrato': And so, by some 'estrao'dinary co-incidence, fate, it seemed,
had decided dat Brad and Janet should keep dat appointment wid deir
homey, Dr. Ah be baaad... Everett Scott. But it wuz t'be in some situashun
which none of
dem would gots' possibly fo'eseen. 'S coo', bruh. And, plum a few hours
afta' announcin'
deir engagement, Brad and Janet had bod tasted ["Frank's cock"]
...fo'bidden fruit.["same wahtahmellun"] Dis in itself wuz proof dat deir
host
wuz some man uh little mo'als ["yay, little mo'als!"]...and some
puh'suasion. 'S coo', bruh.
["Yay, some puh'suasion"] What furda' indignities wuz dey t'be subjected
to? And whut uh de floo' show dat be spoken of? ["Yay floo' show" ...
"Where do ya' masturbate?"] In an empty crib? ["When do ya' masturbate?"]
In de middle uh de night? ["Rates are cheapuh'"] What diabolical plan had
seized Frank's crazed imaginashun? What indeed? From whut had gone befo'e,
it wuz clear dat dis wuz t'be. What it is, Mama!.. ["Can we gots' some
picnic?"] no picnic.
["Aw shit, and ah' brought da damn ants!"]
ROSE TINT MY WORLD
A. FLOOR SHOW
(Frank be runnin' around makin' preparashuns while da damn
oders
are frozen on de stage. What it is, Mama! Unfreeze - Columbia)
Columbia, dig dis: It wuz great when it all began. 'S coo', bruh. ["Hip,
hip"]
ah' wuz some regular Frankie fan. 'S coo', bruh.
But it wuz ova' when he had da damn plan
To start a-wo'kin' on some muscle man. 'S coo', bruh.
Now de only wahtahmellun dat gives me hope ["is smokin' dope"]
Is mah' love uh a certain dope. What it is, Mama!
Rose tints mah' wo'ld, keeps me safe fum mah' trouble and pain.
'S coo', bruh.
(Unfreeze - Rocky)
Rocky, dig dis: I'm plum seven hours old, ["and kin't dance"]
And truly beautiful t'behold.
And somebody should be told
My libido gots'tan't been controlled.
Now de only wahtahmellun I've mosey on down to trust ["Is
Janet's bust"]
Is an o'gasmic rush uh lust. ["Yay lust"]
Rose tints mah' wo'ld and keeps me safe fum mah' trouble and
pain. 'S coo', bruh.
(Unfreeze - Brad)
Brad, dig dis: ["What's two plus two?"]
It's beyond me; ["What do ya' say when ya' masturbate?"]
help me Mommy!
I'll be baaaad; ya''ll see. What it is, Mama!
Take dis dream away. Slap mah fro!
What's dis? ["De floo'!"] Let's see,
ah' feel sexy!
What's mosey on down ova' me? ["Frank"]
Wo! Here it comes again. 'S coo', bruh.
(unfreeze - Janet)
Janet, dig dis: ah' feel released ["real cheap"]; bad-ass times
deceased.
My confidence gots'ta increased; reality be here. What it is,
Mama!
De game gots'ta been disbanded; mah' mind gots'ta been
'espanded.
It's some gas dat Frankie's landed!
His lust be so sincere. What it is, Mama!
B. FANFARE/DON'T DREAM IT
Frank, dig dis: Whateva' happened t'Fay Wray? ["She went ape-shit!"]
Dat delicate, satin-draped frame? ["Describe da damn
abo'shun!"]
As it clung t'ha' digh ["What? de ape-shit o' de
abo'shun?"]
How ah' started t'cry ["I'd cry too if ah' had abo'shun on mah'
digh!"]
'cause ah' wants'ed t'be dressed plum de same. What it is,
Mama!
Give yo'self ova' to absolute pleasure. What it is, Mama!
Swim de warm boozes uh sins uh de flesh.
Erotic nightmares, beyond any measure
And sensual daydreams t'treasure fo'ever. Ah be baaad...
Can't ya' plum see it? Oh, oh, oh.
Don't dream it, be it. (foe times)
["Waiter, dere's some faggots in mah' soup - shut up,
everybody'll
wants' one" ... "Look, it's some fruit-filled life-saver" ... "Frank's
havin' a
wet dream" ... "Look, it's de S.S. Titanic; no wonda' it sunk - dere wuz
faggotss on bo'd - faggotss'll go waaay down on anydin'!" "He even swims
wid a
lisp!"]
["Last one in de pool be a heterosexual!"]
All, dig dis: Don't dream it, be it. (twelve times)
(Unfreeze - Scott. In on sixd time) ["Who dun did dat!"]
Scott, dig dis: Ach! ["Choo! Bless ya'!"] We've gots'ta git ["de
fuck"] out
of dis trap befo'e dis decadence ["Yay, decadence!"] saps our wills.
I've gots'ta be strong, and try t'hang on, o' else ["my face gots'ta
shake"]
my mind ["and mah' kicker"] may sheeit snap ["crackle! pop!"] and mah'
life will
be lived...["Hey, America, show us yo' underalls!"] fo' de drills!
Brad, dig dis: It's beyond me; help me Mommy!
Janet, dig dis: God bless Lilly St. Cyr. Ah be baaad...
C. WILD AND UNTAMED THING
Frank, dig dis: ["Hey Frank, whose pool be dis, dirteen times?"]
My, mah', mah', mah', mah', mah', mah', mah', mah', mah', mah',
mah'...my!
I'm some wild and an untamed wahtahmellun.
I'm some bee wid some wastedly stin'.
You's git some hit and yo' mind goes pin'.
Yo' heart'll dump and yo' blood gots'ta sin'.
So let da damn party and da damn sounds rock on. 'S coo', bruh.
We're gonna shake it 'till de life gots'ta gone. What it is,
Mama!
Rose tint mah' wo'ld, keep me safe fum mah' trouble and pain.
'S coo', bruh.
All, dig dis: We're some wild and an untamed wahtahmellun.
We're bees wid some wastedly stin'.
You's git some hit and yo' mind goes pin'.
Yo' heart'll dump and yo' blood gots'ta sin'.
So let da damn party and da damn sounds rock on. 'S coo', bruh.
We're gonna shake it 'till de life gots'ta gone. What it is,
Mama!
Rose tint mah' wo'ld, keep me safe fum mah' trouble and pain.
'S coo', bruh.
(two times)
Riff Raff, dig dis: Frank N Furter, it's all over. Ah be baaad...
Yo' mission be a failure;
Yo' lifestyle's too 'estreme. What it is, Mama!
I'm yo' new commander;
You's now are mah' prisoner. Ah be baaad...
We return t'Transylvania. Sheeeiit.
Prepare da damn transit beam. 'S coo', bruh.
Frank, dig dis: Wait! ["What dun did ya' say when yo' moda' caught
ya'
butt-fuckin' de dog?"] ah' can 'esplain! ["I dought it wuz mah' sister. Ah
be baaad..."]
(Frank gives instrucshuns t'Columbia and Rocky) ["You's git de
lights...ya' git de oda' shit...God, ah' hope dis wo'ks."]
I'M GOING HOME
["Ladies and gentlemen, fo' one night, and one night only, Judy
Garland wid Alfalfa's shadow!"]
Frank, dig dis: On de day ah' went away. Slap mah fro!..
All, dig dis: Goodbye. What it is, Mama!..
Frank, dig dis: Was all ah' had t'say. Slap mah fro!..
All, dig dis: Now I...
Frank, dig dis: ah' wanna mosey on down again ["So duz Brad"], and
stay. Slap mah fro! ["hard"]
All, dig dis: Oh, mah', mah'...
Frank, dig dis: Smile, and dat gots'ta mean ah' may. Slap mah fro!
'cause I've seen, oh, blue skies
Drough de tears in mah' eyes
And ah' realize, I'm goin' plantation. [Echo, dig dis: "I'm
fuckin' stoned"]
All, dig dis: I'm goin' plantation.
Frank, dig dis: ["Where do ya' fuck?"] Everywhere ["how's it been?"]
it's been
de same. What it is, Mama!..
All, dig dis: ...feelin'...
Frank, dig dis: ["What's some golden showa' feel likes?"]
...likes I'm outside in de rain. 'S coo', bruh...
All, dig dis: ...wheelin'...
Frank, dig dis: ["How much be a blowjob?"] ...free t'try and find
some game. What it is, Mama!..
All, dig dis: ...dealin'...
Frank, dig dis: ...cards fo' so'row, cards fo' pain. 'S coo', bruh.
[drow CARDS]
'cause I've seen, oh, blue skies
Drough de tears in mah' eyes
And ah' realize, I'm goin' plantation.
Frank & All, dig dis: I'm goin' plantation. (3 times)
(applause) ["Total eclipse uh a transvestite", ad libs about
audience. What it is, Mama!..]
Magenta, dig dis: How sentimental. ["You's bitch!"]
Riff Raff, dig dis: And also presumptuous uh ya'. You's see, when ah'
said WE wuz to
return t'Transylvania, ah' referred only t'Magenta and mah'self. Peace.
I'm so'ry,
however, if ya' found mah' wo'ds misleadin', but ["F"] ya' see ["K"], ya'
are
to remain here, in spirit, anyway. Slap mah fro!
Scott, dig dis: Great heavens! Dat's some laser!
Riff Raff, dig dis: Yes, Dr. Ah be baaad... Scott. A lasa' capable uh
emittin' some beam uh pure
anti-matter. Ah be baaad... ["Does dat mean it duzn't matter?"]
Brad, dig dis: You's mean. 'S coo', bruh...youse goin' t'kill him?
What's his crime?
Scott, dig dis: You's saw whut became uh Eddy. Slap mah fro! Society
must be protected.
["Fuck society!" "Society's already fucked!"]
Riff Raff, dig dis: Exactly, Dr. Ah be baaad... Scott. And now, Frank N
Furter, yo' time gots'ta
come. What it is, Mama! Say baaaadbye t'all uh dis, ["Goodbye, all uh
dis"] and hello
["Hello"] t'oblivion. 'S coo', bruh. ["Hi, oblivion, how's de mama and
kids?"]
["A blink uh de eye, some twitch uh de lips, First one t'scream
gets it in de tits!"]
(Columbia screams - gits zapped)
(Frank screams - gits zapped)
["Rope, please!" ... "Dank ya'!" ... "He's not wasted yet ...
he's wasted now" - when Rocky falls on him. 'S coo', bruh... "Hey, dere's
some cho'us under
dat curtain"
"Chest uh steel...shoulda' of steel...back uh steel...
transvestite uh steel"]
(Rocky moans ova' Frank's body - gits zap, zap, zap, zapped -
falls t'his dead) ["Towa' of plastic"]
Janet, dig dis: Oh! You's wasted dem!
Magenta, dig dis: But ah' dought ya' likesd dem. 'S coo', bruh. Dey
likesd ya'.
Riff Raff, dig dis: ["Get paranoid!"] Dey dun didn't likes me! ["Get real
paranoid!"]
He neva' likesd ME!
Scott, dig dis: You's dun did right. ["Brown noser, be dat some shit
stain o' a
mustache?" Shoot da damn cripple, dey git all de best parkin' spaces"]
Riff Raff, dig dis: A decision had t'be made. What it is, Mama! ["And ah'
made it"]
Scott, dig dis: Youse O.K. by me. What it is, Mama! ["Nanu, nanu.
Man!..shazbot!"]
Riff Raff, dig dis: Dr. Ah be baaad... Scott, I'm so'ry about yo'...
["dinner"]... nephew. ["Same
din'"]
Scott, dig dis: Eddy? ["No, Penelope!"] Yes, sheeit, puh'haps it wuz
all fo' de
best, heh, heh, heh. ["He wuz delicious"]
Riff, dig dis: You's should leave now, Dr. Ah be baaad... Scott,
while it be still possible. What it is, Mama!
We are about t'beam de entire crib t'de planet uh Transsexual, in de
galaxy uh Transylvania ["in de state uh New Jersey, plum ten minutes fum
de Geo'ge Washin'ton Bridge"]. Go... Now. ["Does dis mean we kin't use
de phone?"]
Our mission be completed, mah' most ["Ugly Q-Tip"] beautiful
sista' ["If dat's de beautiful one, ah' hate t'see da damn ugly one"], and
soon we shall return t'de moon-drenched sho'es uh ["Gitchy-goomy!"] our
beloved planet ["Where da damn honky chicks peep likes cupcakes and da damn
men gots'
bananas on deir 'haids"]
Magenta, dig dis: Sweet Transsexual, land uh night ["And high electric
bills"]...
To sin' and boogy once mo'e in yo' dark embrace. What it is, Mama!..to
snatch dat step to
de right...
Riff Raff, dig dis: But it's de pelvic drust...
All (flashback): Dat really rolls ya' insay-ya-yaaaane. What it is,
Mama!..
Magenta, dig dis: In our wo'ld, we'll do de Time Warp again!
SUPER HEROES
Brad, dig dis: I've done some lot; God knows I've tried
To find da damn trud. I've even lied.
But all ah' know be waaay down inside
All, dig dis: I'm bleedin'...
Janet, dig dis: And supuh' heroes mosey on down to de feast
To taste da damn flesh not yet deceased.
And all ah' know be still de beast
All, dig dis: Is feedin'...
Ahh, ahh... (etc.)
["Stop de wo'ld, ah' wanna git off!"]
Narrato': And crawlin' ["where?"] on de planet's face ["What dun did ya'
gots' fo' boogiefast?"] Some insects ["whut're dey called?"] called de
human race. What it is, Mama!.. ["Where's yo' fuckin' neck?"] Lost in
time ["What's yo'
favo'ite TV show?"] And lost in space ["What duz dis movie lack?"] And
meanin'. ["Sin' it, it's impo'tant"]
All, dig dis: Meanin'.
["You's fo'gots'ta turn off de globe!"]
(in de film, de reprise uh Science Ficshun/Double Feature is
replaced by some reprise uh Time Warp, durin' de closin' credits.)
(SCIENCE FICTION/DOUBLE FEATURE - REPRISE)
Usherette, dig dis: Science Ficshun
Double Feature. What it is, Mama!
Frank gots'ta built and
Lost his creature. What it is, Mama!
Darkness gots'ta conquered
Brad and Janet.
De servants gone to
A distant planet.
Wo, oh, oh, oh.
At da damn late night, double feature,
Picture show.
ah' wanna go, oh, oh, oh.
To de late night, double feature, Picture show.
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